Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

It has taken me a long time to realize that my mother is a narcissistic personality. She is charming, bright, and socially gifted. I always wanted to be just like her. She understood how to excel in the world and was very successful in her professional life. I looked up to her, almost worshipped her. Allyson (I'll call her) always got what she wanted. She knew exactly how to manipulate my father. When my sister and I were young, mom insisted that we do everything her way. Allyson has a coldness that I can remember since I was a small child. I would beg her to comfort me when I felt miserable. She had great difficulty expressing any physical or emotional affection toward my sister and me. Allyson has never been able to put herself in my shoes. She is completely unempathic. Fortunately, my dad was a very warm, compassionate human being. Mom let me know that she had all the answers, made no mistakes and that she was constantly disappointed in me. I had some tough times psychologically because of Allyson's distant coldness, her brittle criticism, and lack of affection. As I grew older I recognized that my mother is a narcissistic personality. A friend of mine recommended this insightful and entertaining book about the narcissistic personality, his/her childhood origins, the grandiosity, the rage beneath the perfect public face. The author puts excellent tools for dealing with narcissists in your personal and professional lives in your hands. This book is invaluable, especially if you are dealing with a parent, spouse, ex-spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, family member or friend who you think is a narcissist.

I didn't realize until a recent breakup that I have a pattern of moving from one narcissistic individual to another in my personal life. As I look back I remember my very charming, handsome father, whom I now know was very narcissistic. I always made excuses for him. When he was around, he gave me his selected attention. This was based on his seeing me as the perfect daughter. He left the family when I entered school and I only saw him a few more times during his life. I was always captivated by men who were in charge, had great confidence in themselves and who were very successful. These relationships appeared to be magical. There is nothing wrong with confident, successful people but the men I chose turned out to be very controlling, demanding, enraged, and duplicitous. In the end, it was always about them, not me. I have painfully learned to recognize the narcissist, male and female. In this book Dr. Martinez-Lewi provides a clear, in-depth full screen view of the narcissistic personality disorder and offers her readers excellent examples from her clinical practice and provides a number of very useful tools for dealing with the narcissist with great confidence.

I recently broke up with the woman I was about to marry. We had been going together for a couple of years. Rosalie (that's the name I will use) was one of the most beautiful women I have ever met. I was attracted to her charm and fell in love with her right away. I knew quite soon that she could be temperamental and demanding but I was so taken with her that I ignored her character flaws. As we began to date more seriously, Rosalie became more critical of me and more demanding. I would catch her in lies all the time. I kept making excuses for her. She asked for a large sum of money to purchase a watch that she had been eyeing for a long time. I gave her the money and she promised to pay me back. She never did. I also found out that she was cheating on me with two other guys. Rosalie never thought about anyone but herself. She hurt me so many times with her extreme self absorption and her expecting me to be perfect. Even when I did everything she asked, it wasn't good enough. She'd scream at me and tell me I was a worthless idiot. Finally, she threw me away. I was so desperate, I didn't think I could live without her. I having been seeing a good psychotherapist. This helped me realize that Rosalie is a narcissist, that she suffers from a serious personality disorder. I have done a lot of work in therapy and am in the course of recovering from this loss. The therapist recommended that I read a book by Dr. Linda Martinez-Lewi called "Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life". This book offers a clear analysis with many compelling examples of the narcissistic personality disorder. The author gave me a number of tools to use when dealing with narcissists. She described Rosalie perfectly. I really enjoyed the marvelous stories about famous narcissists like Pablo Picasso and Frank Lloyd. I highly recommmend this terrific book. It has helped me to heal and find more peace in my life.

I am a psychotherapist in private practice who specializes in working with clients who are going through or have experienced difficult and painful divorces and relationship break-ups. Many clients I see have unknowingly been married to or involved with an ex-partner who is a narcissist. These individuals not only experience confusion, rage, grief, and abandonment over the divorce or break-up but they often blame themselves for the failed relationship. When an individual marries or has a partner who is a narcissist, he or she simply cannot win. The narcissist suffers from an inability to be empathic and is often self-absorbed, personality traits that are difficult to change. The narcissist will not be able to recognize his/her own personality issues that contribute to a failed relationship. In her clear and engaging book, Martinez-Lewi offers examples from her private practice that vividly bring the narcissist's destructive personality traits (deception, manipulation, ruthlessness, grandiosity, lack of empathy) to life. The reader will learn to empower herself/himself to view the divorce or break-up in a realistic way without personalizing it. Martinez-Lewi offers excellent strategies and tools for protecting ourselves from and handling the narcissist in a self-empowering way. I highly recommend this book to everyone. It is very helpful to those going through divorces and break-ups as well as individuals who are dealing with ex-spouses and ex-partners.

I am just an ordinary person who now and then encounters someone who makes me want to run as far and fast as I can. We all know who this person is. If we're lucky we don't encounter them before we learn to walk but later on the playground, in school, in our relationships and jobs. The one we vigilantly look out for on the road, and love to watch self destruct in front of the media. This is the narcissist Lewi so aptly describes in her new book. The one who can hurt because he or she cannot feel pain in others. Her book is a quick, highly instructive and enjoyable read. On a dark rainy afternoon I curled up with it in my favorite chair and immediately became absorbed. From the first chapter she makes clear most of us have a healthy dose of narcissism to boost our self worth to make us motivated and talented. The narcissist, she emphasizes, has a "severe personality disorder." With her peppery language and bottomless insight, Lewi takes us on a fascinating journey behind the mask of the narcissist. From their "bravado" to their "bottomless rage" to their "painful inner void." She shows us the famous and the not so famous. The cruelty and negligence of the brilliant Picasso, and Charlene with her "breathless litany of self." How do we hold our own, asks Lewi? In the final chapter she takes an honest, straightforward look at our options and comes up with some surprising answers. I was heartened to know most of us are ill-equipped to deal with this kind of personality but that we can walk away with our dignity and sanity intact. I highly recommend this very engrossing read. Judith Kriss