Forgive to Live: How Forgiveness Can Save Your Life

Forgive to Live is one of the most outstanding books that I have ever read on this vital relationship subject. Forgiveness is at the heart of relationship (be it marriage or otherwise) reconciliation, and the results of deficits in the skill of forgiveness are so easily evidenced around us in our society. The author not only clearly lays out the impact of a lack of forgiveness (harboring and nurturing anger, resentment, and bitterness) on us individually, but, more importantly, lays out a plan and practical, specific ways to develop and to master this essential and life-enriching quality in us personally. I have found this book to be immeasurably helpful and have re-read it many times in my own efforts to improve in the art of forgiveness --- in fact, I have purchased a number of copies and given these as gifts to close family and friends who are struggling with issues of anger related to tough life situations and who are showing the adverse emotional effects of these issues in their health, attitudes, and relationships.

People tell you all the time to forgive people. Unfortunately, it's not as easy as "I forgive you" and everything is better. I have read this book multiple times and it really breaks everything down. The book made feel that it's ok to be angry but it comes down to am I going to let another person control my life, or I am going to take control of my life again. The steps are all laid out in this book to help someone deal with hurt and move on in a positive way. I definitely recommend this book for anyone struggling with the need to forgive.

I have used this book as a tool for teaching, counseling, and life coaching, and I can attest to the wisdom that Dr Tibbits brings to our understanding of forgiveness. A special quality of this book is that it is spiritual without being sectarian. I am also especially grateful for Dr Tibbits' expanding our understanding of what forgiveness is: a process of the reframing the past. I highly recommend this book.

This book has helped me tremendously! After ending a 3 year relationship, I was at odds with how to move on. This book gave me some great tips as well as teaching me the importance of forgiving, so that I can benefit. The best thing the book explains is why forgiveness doesn't equal forget. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is dealing with a breakup or relationship issues.

There's a lot to like about this book. It's a quick read with a strong message you can't miss. By learning about the 3 levels of forgiveness and the steps to achieving them you'll be able to get rid of your grievance story (which the author claims everyone has) that is holding you back most in life. There are even some health benefits like lowering blood pressure and stress levels. The thing I liked about it was the author didn't just say, "Hey, you need to forgive people" - True, I learned that as a kid. But he gives the specific steps he used to teach the group that went through his clinical study how to forgive. The author gives 10 Principles of Forgiveness. Here are the first five: 1. Accept that life is not fair and that others may play by a different set of rules than you do. 2. Stop blaming others for your circumstances. 3. Understand that you cannot change the person who hurt you; you can only change yourself. 4. Acknowledge the anger and hurt that some unpleasant or even harmful even is causing you. 5. Reframe your story of hurt--your "grievance story"--by placing the hurtful events in a broader context than your current point of view. There are five more principles, but you get the idea. The new clinical research the author did for the book seems to have paid off. The steps he suggests can be a painful (you have to review things that make you angry), but the results are powerful. Overall, it's probably one of the most useful books on forgiveness around. Other good reads on the topic are Lewis Smedes book called "Forgive & Forget" and Redford Williams book called "Anger Kills". But the clinical study behind this book makes it stand out. Finally, if you're thinking of buying this book you might like to know that the author gives some exercises / activities at the end of each chapter. Some are better than others. I liked the Anger Test from chapter 3 and the Grievance Story Toxicity assessment from chapter 5. The author even gives an amusing parable about forgiveness at the beginning of the book called "Drop the Rock". One more thing, there's a discussion guide in the back of the book. For each chapter there are 8-10 questions that could be used to get people talking about the things covered in the chapter. Probably a useful tool if you run a support group or some other kind of small group.