First Comes Marriage: Modern Relationship Advice from the Wisdom of Arranged Marriages

This is one of those books I wish I had read before I got married. I have always felt that an arranged marriage would be perfect for me as I do not believe that romantic love easily withstands some of the real challanges of life. I highly recommend that it be read before marriage.

This has to be a BEST SELLER. From my cultural background, I have seen most arranged marriages usually successful. By and large, most couples are quite happy at least they are not unhappy nor dissatisfied with their marriages. However there are exceptions, some couples are unhappy, as well as, some are matches made in heaven. I bought this book to understand how arranged marriages were successful. This book did give a great insight on understanding the process of modern arranged marriages and how it works out for couples. If you read this book, you'd find that the author, Reva Seth has written it for today's women who are dating for marriage or getting into a serious relationship. Reva Seth mainly discusses the different perspectives and mindsets that today's women have when they try to get into relationships. She discusses the common errors in judgment that women may tend to make during this and also explains the reasons for them. Her book has several relevant incidents of her friends and herself substantiating these ideas. I have heard of similar instance while I was living in the United States. The author quotes her interviews of several women of all ages and cultures who have had arranged marriages and how it has worked out for them. Being raised in a culture where arranged marriage is the norm, I could clearly relate to these concepts. She calls these as 'Secrets' and has 7 chapters on each. She also adds excerpts from books of best authors at appropriate portions of the book. I'm sure this book would be a best seller. I wish Reva Seth luck with her future books and look forward to read more of her writing.

I bought this book on recommendation from a friend who had read it and I was not disappointed - I would definitely recommend it to all my girlfriends and the men out there too!! If you can ignore the errors with the names (you will see what I mean when you read it) it is both an enlightening and entertaining read. It does refer to the arranged marriage "ways" but I definitely gained some insight in to what I should be focusing on in a relationship.

As a homeschooling mom I've known families who have taken an active role in helping their children find suitable spouses. Though I am eager for my kids to find the right spouses when the time is right, I've never been especially keen on the idea of an arranged marriage. Seems like too big a decision to hand off to others. And yet a few weeks ago when I randomly clicked on an AOL story that featured this book, I was fascinated by the author's twist. Not 'is arranged marriage a good idea for everyone?' but rather, 'what things work about this idea?' Turns out, there's plenty that works. Enough that after I roared through the book in three days flat, I handed it off to my 18 and 20 year old daughters to read. I believe that anyone would do well to take such a considered approach to finding a spouse. Women featured in the book talked about the peace that comes from knowing that you are compatible on a foundational level. Not on the froufrou you learn when dating such as 'do we like the same movies?' but the deep questions that can bind together or tear apart a marriage such as 'how will we raise our children?' and 'do we agree that this marriage is forever?' Turns out when loving families are given input in the selection, they often have a firm grasp on two things: #1-- Things that the young people themselves would wish for and need in a mate. And #2-- Issue that are truly important in ensuring a lasting relationship. I still believe that young people should be able to choose a mate on their own. But there is a lot to be said for getting feedback from loved ones who know you very well. I believe that if more people knew how to look at core values instead of surface stuff right from the start in a relationship, they'd greatly improve the odds of a happy match, the kind that actually makes it to 'as long as we both shall live.' This thoughtful book is one I am very glad to have read.

This book does not promote arranged marriages, but it boils them down to some key concepts that can help people enter marriage with more realistic expectations which will then allow them to be happier within their marriage. The book diminishes the importance of finding a soulmate, of keeping your options open while dating, of having similar interests/hobbies, and focusing on Hollywood's definition of romance. Instead, it recommends focusing on compatible values, figuring out what you need in a marriage partner so you know what to look for, creating a balanced social life, and being willing to commit. The book is engagingly written with lots of stories and anecdotes interspersed within the text. It gives you exercises to complete which really help to clarify your own expectations, desires, and needs and to see how the book's lessons should be applied in your own life. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is interested in a committed, long-term relationship, though the book is geared toward women.