Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them

In this classic book the author Ortberg zooms on the things that make community tick. He elaborates in the chapter `Porcupine's Dilemma' "Community is the place God made us for. Community is the place where God meets us. Here is the rub : How to get close without getting hurt? How do you pursue this beautiful dream of community with actual, real-life people? Weird, not-normal, as-is, dysfunctional real life people? Your friends, colleagues, your children, your parents? Can it really happen? The Hebrew prophets had a word for connectedness of all things : shalom - the webbing together of God, humans, and all creation in justice, fulfillment, and delight. The connectedness has also been called `reciprocal rootedness'. The North American Common Porcupine is a member of the rodent family that has around 30,000 quills attached to his body. Each quill can be driven into an enemy, and the enemy's body heat will cause the microscopic barb to expand and become more firmly embedded. The wounds can fester; the more dangerous ones, affecting vital organs, can be fatal. Ortberg analyzes the Porcupine's Dilemma : How do you get close without getting hurt? This is our dilemma too. Every one carries our own little arsenal. Our barbs have names like rejection, condemnation, resentment, arrogance, selfishness, envy, contempt. Some people hide them better then others, but get close enough and you will find out they are there. We, too, learn to survive through a combination of withdrawal and attack. We, too, find ourselves hurting (and being hurt by) those we long to be closest to. We try to figure out how to get close without getting hurt. We wonder if there is not a softer, less-barbed creature out there - a mink or an otter, perhaps. We can usually think of a number of particularly prickly porcupines in our lives. But the problem is not just them. I am somebody's porcupine. So are you. This golden book is relevant to the current scenarios in most of the world. What we see in drive-by shootings and suicide bombings is only the ultimate working out of anger that is in all of our hearts. We get hurt and we want to hurt back. Little jihads (attacks) get fought every day between people who work together in the same office, between husband and wife, between parent and child. Hafrada is a word for separation and withdrawal. The Wall of the West Bank, The Berlin Wall and the Iron Curtain are expressions of the same impulse that causes all of us to withdraw and withhold ourselves. Sometimes the wall is a newspaper at a breakfast table that expresses and emotional distance that cannot be bridged. Jihad and hafrada. Attack and withdrawal. These are the two essential forms of relational sin. We assault others when we act against what is good for them. This is true even if it happens with their consent - to give a whiskey to an alcoholic, for example. We withdraw from someone when we regard their well being as a matte

This book has been a tremendous tool for creating community within the small group that I am involved. The book has served a very practical tool for examining our motives, morals and hindrances to building community both within this group of 30 something and 40 something year old men both divorced and married. I think it should be the first book that new small groups should study because it will create a journey of fellowship and friendship that I did not think possible for men of any age.

"Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them" is one of the best books I've read this year. The basic premise of the book is that as long as we define others by putting them into a predefined mold based on their beliefs, age, education, or other traits, we will always find that they don't fit. Why is that the case? It's because we determine what is "normal" for people of that age, belief, lifestyle, or whatever and then find that nobody is "normal". As long as we define unique individuals as non-unique beings we will always be disappointed and end up in confrontations or disillusionment. This is a book about doing the opposite. It is about building relationship and community by accepting people for who and what they are - complete with any and all flaws.Ortberg's writing style makes his works a delight to read. While creating an entertaining read he still manages to make his point very effectively. You finish the book with a deep appreciation for others and a strong commitment to building a positive community among your friends, family, and others. And, of course, that includes building the same strong relationship with God, who does accept us just the way we are with all of our faults. Just as God accepts us as we are, we need to accept others as they are. This is the foundational premise for building a positive community relationship with others. "Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them" should be required reading for everyone and deserves the highest recommendation that I can offer.

Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them has everything a reader can ask for in a non-fiction book. Ortberg presents an excellent balance of stories, metaphors, quotes, biblical teaching, autobiography and spiritual insight. He adroitly intersperses humor into the writing that will make you laugh out loud. The variety assures that the reader will get the important message of the book and be entertained. This is an upbeat book about relationships that we have with God and other people. It also targets how we see ourselves. The premise is that nobody is really "normal;" we all have quirks, defects and faults that make us very much in need of grace and mercy from God and others. Likewise, we all need to give grace and mercy to others and accept that all people come "as is" rather than perfect. Ortberg writes, "when we enter relationships with the illusion that people are normal, we resist the truth that they are not. We enter an endless attempt to fix them, control them, or pretend that they are what they're not. One of the great marks of maturity is to accept the fact that everybody comes `as is.'" The book is divided into three main sections: "Normal: There's no such Thing, Dear," "How to Get Close without Getting Hurt," and "The Secrets of Strong Relationships." Ortberg leads the reader to an examination of heart and soul and to open the eyes to the dynamics present in all relationships. He focuses on principles and truths that are relevant to all people, such as the inevitability of conflict in relationships and the best way to deal with it. If you want to improve the way you interact with your family, co-workers, church family and people you meet everyday, this is a book that will definitely help. Each chapter is followed by several discussion questions that can be helpful to small group interaction, as well as personal reflection. Throughout the book, Ortberg takes great advantage of Biblical stories to convey lessons about relationships. He artfully brings to life several Old and New Testament accounts, filling in cultural background and offering theological insights. I think you will thoroughly enjoy reading Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them and will appreciate Ortberg's skill in writing and teaching. Craig Stephans, author of Shakespeare On Spirituality: Life-Changing Wisdom from Shakespeare's Plays

This is my fourth Ortberg book and, as with the others, I am thoroughly pleased. Ortberg's easy writing style and wit make learning the deep truths he discusses fun. I find myself frequently sharing his insights with others. I lead the Caring and Sharing Ministry at our church and know his take on community and relationship topics such as anger, forgiveness, reconciliation, and the fact that we're all imperfect "as is" people will find their way into our Celebrate Recovery, Divorce Care, Healthy Boundaries, and Men's Issues support groups. Especially touching to me were his treatment of the accounts of the friends who lowered the crippled man through the roof to be healed by Jesus, the woman at the well, the woman caught in adultery, and the woman who washed Jesus' feet with her tears and anointed Him at Simon's home. His expositions of these narratives were really the highlights of this excellent book to me.