Empowering Underachievers: New Strategies to Guide Kids (8-18) to Personal Excellence

I like to tell people that this book didn't just improve my child's motivational level; it changed my life and brought peace to my relationship with my 12 year old daughter. She is incredibly smart, kind and.....stubborn. Or, so I thought. Reading this book really helped me realize her perspective on things and as a result, I changed the way I interacted with her. It required reading the book and planning but it was worth it and I have seen real results in just about 6 months. I have seen this kid make the connection between her poor choices and the results that they produce. Her last progress report was all A's and B's for the first time in several years. To date I have bought nearly 10 copies as gifts to my friends that find themselves in the same situation.

I found this book to be right on the money. It's as if they have met my (13yo) son and analyzed him. (And myself). I think I finally understand and am myself empowered. One of the first things to have an almost immediate effect was the use of "withholds" and a close runner up was "the dispassionate approach". I'm reading it all the way through for the second time. Please, if you need help with underachieving behavior, read this book!

If your child is smart, but consistently fails to perform in school... If your child is capable but consistently fails to complete tasks without you getting involved... If your child is good at heart but consistently tries to shirk responsibility... This book can help! Dr Spevak details what is really going on (bad attitude due to emotional immaturity) and how to get your kid unstuck. The usual methods (rewards, punishment, getting involved etc) all dissapoint because they are external to the child and do not motivate him to change. So what will? Empowering him! When the child realizes he has choices, the capability to choose well, and the opportunity to succeed, he begins to make better choices instead of "disengaging" and relying on defense mechanisms. I have found the techniques to be very helpful on a practical level - especially "processing comments" (making comments to get your child thinking about his true underlying emotions) and "with-holds" (instead of punishments, deliberately deny the child something he asks for, and link it to a specific act of misbehavior). But just as important is understanding the underacheiver's behavior on the emotional level, the theory behind the techniques - and Dr Spevak explains this very well.

If your child is smart, but consistently fails to perform in school... If your child is capable but consistently fails to complete tasks without you getting involved... If your child is good at heart but consistently tries to shirk responsibility... This book can help! Dr Spevak details what is really going on (bad attitude due to emotional immaturity) and how to get your kid unstuck. The usual methods (rewards, punishment, getting involved etc) all dissapoint because they are external to the child and do not motivate him to change. So what will? Empowering him! When the child realizes he has choices, the capability to choose well, and the opportunity to succeed, he begins to make better choices instead of "disengaging" and relying on defense mechanisms. I have found the techniques to be very helpful on a practical level - especially "processing comments" (making comments to get your child thinking about his true underlying emotions) and "with-holds" (instead of punishments, deliberately deny the child something he asks for, and link it to a specific act of misbehavior). But just as important is understanding the underacheiver's behavior on the emotional level, the theory behind the techniques - and Dr Spevak explains this very well.

I read, reread and reread this book. The description was uncanny...did the authors know my teenage son? The book is a great read. There is lots of down-to-earth discussion without much of the usual psychological jargon found in psychology books. My son was driving us nuts! His attitude essentially was "So what." I feel that I now know why my son is underachieving and why HE has to be "empowered" to take charge of his life. Beyond the "why," the book (about half of it) gives practical suggestions that will assist the underachiever towards maturity and attitude change. One of the authors is a former US Marine who from personal experience has great empathy for underachievers...he used to be one! Read the excerpts...buy the book. Also, the authors have a web site that has additional articles and resources. This book presents a philosophy that teaches you a whole new way to help your underachiever change that attitude that is going to hurt their life and is adding worry to your life. Did you notice that I liked the book?