Dyke Drama: Your Guide to Getting Out Alive

OHMYGOD! I never knew how much gay men and lesbians had in common! The only difference is that while dykes tend to be on the "cheap" side (getting drunk off of beer they purchased at Costco while tailgating in the parking lot before going into the bar) we fags will think nothing of buying $12 drinks for all our friends and charging it to Uncle Mastercard and Aunt Visa, even though they already have liens on our car and we no longer answer the home phone when they call. But the drama is the same, I swear! And of course from now on I will always have a spare set of underwear in the glove compartment to save me time when I am need of a quick getaway. Thank you, Leslie!

"Oh, honey. I used to work as the bouncer in a dyke bar, and I've seen more than my fair share of drama. Girls throwing drinks in each other's faces, slapping each other. Cops getting called. I've been dragged into court to testify at restraining order hearings. Repeatedly. I've seen girls ripping each other's earrings out. It was bad news." -J. D., dyke-drama survivor In this essential handbook, noted dyke-drama scholar Leslie Lange presents a hilarious history of this "cultural" institution, passed nobly down from Sappho to "The L Word", and offers valuable coping and survival tips for all types of situations, including: * How to avoid tacky barroom altercations with bat-wielding softball players * How to tell if you're a dangerous lesbian stalker--and how to get rid of one * The truth about lesbian bed death, pillow princesses, pet custody issues, and drunk drama * Why shedding the stigma of dyke drama is so hard * What drama-free lesbians do in their spare time (the answer may surprise you) * And, most important, how to find a therapist who's right for you! Lange charts the evolution of dyke drama as it passes from dating right on down through breakups and into lesbian incest (dating your ex's ex's ex). Also included: Dating Drama, Drunk Drama, Workplace Drama, Academia Drama, Lesbian Illness Drama and Therapy Drama. Here are some of the highlights of Dyke Drama: Your Guide to Getting Out Alive: What is Dyke Drama? "Any lesbian relationship that lasts longer than one night. No, wait...any lesbian relationship that lasts long enough to require communication. No...actually, you could blindfold two dykes and put them in separate, sound-proof booths in separate states and still, somehow, the vibe of drama would be sparked. It's unstoppable." --Michelle Sawyer Who knows how the first dyke drama came about? Did God make it, or was there just a Big Bang? A Brief Angry History: From Sappho to The L Word Think back. Way back. To a time when there was neither L Word, nor Showtime, when there was neither Holly Near, nor the Michigan Women's Music Festival. To a time when there wasn't even Michigan. Think back to ancient Greece. You see, the Greeks had no television, radio, or high speed chases-that's why they invented drama. Or at least Greek drama, which is unsurprisingly the earliest precursor to what we know now in modern times as "dyke drama." Then, as now, it was used as a form of entertainment. Given this fact, there's a good chance Sappho invented dyke drama. That's right, she started it. Not only was she responsible for the term "lesbians," (See the island of Lesbos--also called the "Isle of Sappho") but that special form of drama that surrounds wimmin who love wimmin. The legendary poetess (circa 590 BC) probably committed the first known dyke faux pas by presenting the same love poem to several different women in the same week, singing it as she strummed her lyre in front of an outdoor festival crowd that sweltering-hot summer week

Being one who can be distracted by jingling shiny keys, I've gotta say that "self-help" books bore me and I've never finished a single one. Not so with "Dyke Drama". I devoured it. Just like the synopsis says, it covers Sappho to the "L" Word. Sure I was quoted in it (and can't help but be a little biased), but I wouldn't allow myself to be quoted in a book unless I thought it was pretty dang funny, and it is. Straights, gays, anyone, I have a message: Leslie Lange's a good gal, and her book's worth reading. It'll crack you up. Enjoy.