Don't Make Me Count to Three

This book is the best parenting book I've read...it combines the reality of imperfect mothers with the awesome responsibility and priviledge we have to raise our children so that they love and honor God. Yes, it's directed at Christians, and it hits right where it should: sound biblical direction and applications for everyday problems. More than anything, it encouraged me to study the wisdom of the bible for myself, so that I can model and pass that on to my son and future children. This will be my parenting philosophy from now on, and this book will be my handbook, second only to the bible!

Usually when you have a book written from a true biblical perspective and it gets an average 3.5 stars, you will find that they are all "fives" and "ones". Many of the comments in the one star category are from those who did not read the book, but hate Christianity in general and there comments are clearly their commentary on their anti-christian bias vs their review. I found the book to be very valuable, the teaching was biblical, well founded, loving, and effective. It is very important that both parents are on board and read the book. The rapidity with which it works when consistent, loving discipline is used is amazing.

Contrary to other reviews this in not a book about spanking. Nor is it a book about being a dictator. Plowman has written a useful and helpful book that deals as much with the parent's attitude as it does with the child's. It is a balanced book. She frequently highlights and underlines failures of parents to be loving and God-centred in their raising of their children. And she is humble enough to illustrate these failures from her own experience. It is balanced also in that it recognises the need to react differently with different children and with different ages of children - for her there is no 'one rule fits all' thinking. It is a practical book. It is an ideal companion to Ted Tripp's "Shepherding a Child's Heart". I felt Tripp's book was light on practical examples, but Plowman redresses that with many illustrations of what to do and what not to do. It is a heart-oriented book. Her approach is not simply to correct the behaviour, but to get to the roots of the behaviour which lie in the heart. It's relatively easy to create a little automaton who will obey out of fear or reward, and then rebel when your back is turned. Plowman is not interested in such an approach. She seeks to get to the heart - and often that means dealing with your own heart first. It is a biblical book. As a pastor I dislike intensely seeing verses quoted out of context. Contrary to other reviews Mrs Plowman does not do this. Instead she shows every evidence that she understands the context. But more importantly she calls parents to act not as they find easiest, nor in a way that is comfortable to them, but in the way God requires. It is also a direct book. Plowman is not afraid to call a spade a spade when it comes to some of the methods advocated by parents, for example 'counting to three', 'making excuses for children'. She shows how these only teach children to disobey until you get to '3' as opposed to obeying immediately and to make excuses when they are disobedient. They are counterproductive and naive. It must also be pointed out that the majority of this book is about verbal correction. And when it comes to deal with physical correction, it spends as much time correcting wrong ideas, wrong motives and wrong approaches. Here there is also much wisdom and balance. Plowman shows the vast difference between biblical chastisement and unbiblical chastisement. As a pastor and a parent I welcome this book. Those who read it and consider how it applies in their situation will find much help. I would also recommend reading Ted Tripp's "Shepherding a Child's Heart" along with this for it lays a lot of the foundations.

I can totally understand the frustration of the reviewer who found this book to be "religious tripe" (or whatever she called it). This book is NOT relevant to a non-Christian. However, to a believer, it is filled with wisdom. It has given me more patience and kindness in parenting my children and also reminded me to turn to Scripture for everything I need as a parent. There is no way I can personally change my child's heart. Only God can do that. And only hearing the Scriptures will help my child to know when he or she is not following them. This is a great book which is truly based on the Bible.