Don Juan

"When I want to know the news, I read Byron" -- Frank O'Hara And when you REALLY want to know the news, reach for "Don Juan" (pronunciation hint: 'Juan' is spoken as 'Joo-wan,' i.e. it rhymes with 'tear him a new one.') This, sports fans, is the original Thing Itself: not only is it caustic, sharp, and hysterically funny (remember that, readers -- it's meant to be FUNNY!), but Byron dictated a lot of it out loud while he was shaving in the morning. I'm not kidding. Read this brilliant stuff, and imagine a guy just making it up as he goes along, in the bathroom while he's shaving. (Yup, the original freestyler -- unbelievable.) It's worth reading the whole long thing just to come across gems like: "Her first thought was to cut off Juan's head; Her second was to cut off his... acquaintance." And as to its enduring relevance, well, consider Byron's razor-sharp two-line appraisal of women's rights in Muslim countries... "I speak of Christian lands in this comparison --- Where wives, at least, are seldom kept in garrison." Kick back, relax, and have yourself a Lord Byron: ice-cold, pure, and bottled at the source.

I'm writing this to specifically respond to the remarks made by another reviewer condemning Byron for forced rhymes, self-conscious commentary, and the lack of a good finish.WARNING: This poem is intended to be funny! Byron delighted in using the jangly sounds of feminine rhymes in the most outlandish fashion possible, and his digressions are what truly make this poem enjoyable; that voice is the center of the poem, not Don Juan's actions. As for the lack of a finish, I think I'll excuse any poet who dies mid-composition while training troops in the war for Greek independence.I'm sorry to say it, but if you're looking for this poem to be a serious narrative in the traditional epic manner, you're bound to miss the boat. This poem is *designed* to be hilarious, and as far as that is concerned, it succeeds.

This has to be the longest poem I've ever finished, and yet it still wasn't long enough. It's compulsively entertaining, touching, funny, exciting, and life-affirming. You don't have to be an academic to appreciate it. And even if you don't finish it, you'll appreciate what you do finish for its own sake.

As far as I am concerned this is what great writing looks like. Byron was, is, and shall forever be the master. This is poetry at its best; funny, enlightening, entertaining, beautiful. It is a work to be read and read again. It is a work to be absorbed. It is a work to be eaten.

Don Juan is one of those works that live forever. One of the greatest works of literature, Byron succeeds in encompassing everything in mock-epic. It has love, politics, passion and satire, to name but the few, and everyone should read it. Aeneid, Iliad, Metamorphoses and Don Juan, are in the same category, but the latter outshines them all!!