Domestic Violence: What Every Pastor Needs to Know: Second Edition

Finally, someone has given victims and survivors a voice! Rev. Miles does an excellent job of addressing abuse within the church that has been perpetrated both, from the pulpit or from the inactions of leadership. Miles does not skirt the issues but challenges clergy of both genders to confront the myths, faulty theology, false beliefs and teachings that have perpetuated abuse within congregations. Rev. Miles' first hand knowledge of the inadequacies of clergy motived him to develop and give seminars to equip pastors.He accomplishes this by applying truth to four myths. The myths are: 1)There are no abused women in my congregation.2)Christian survivors need only faith, prayers, and a positive attitude, and God to be freed from domestic violence.3)Domestic violence occurs only in certain cultural, racial, and socioeconomic groups, and only in urban areas.4)Victims can stop the battering by changing their behavior and this will save their marriages and families (50-69). Rev. Miles' work is invaluable for two of reasons. First, he helps pastors who wrestle with theological issues. Miles clarifies such issues as headship and submission, the hierarchy of the family, the relationship between man and woman, forgiveness, and the grounds for divorce. And he focuses on the responsibilities of pastors to educate their congregations in dealing with the victims of domestic violence, including the perpetrators and their children. Second, as this awareness increases in pastors and congregations, victims, who turn to their pastors more than to any other resource, will finally receive the understanding, counseling, and moral support they need to improve their circumstances. Miles is utterly convinced and convincing that teamwork is the only solution to domestic violence. "Even with proper domestic violence education and training, which many ministers do not have, ministers (or those in any other discipline) would still be taking a risk to act as lone rangers when it comes to caring for battered women. Victims need not only spiritual support, but also the emotional, financial, legal, physical, and psychological care of individuals with a wide range of expertise" (71). He analyzes the reluctance of pastors to become involved. He finds five underlying reasons, " . . . denial, fear and helplessness, lack of appropriate training, sexism, and the fact that some clergy are themselves perpetrators of domestic abuse" (166). Miles discusses these reasons in depth. Collaborating with other professionals helps "victims break the isolation and provides them with options for achieving safety in their lives," (72) giving victims the sense of control they need. Miles addresses the inaction of both clergymen and clergywomen. He says, " . . . their inaction has actually contributed to the violence perpetrated against women and their children" (168). And clergywomen, by choosing to believe " . . . that since most of the perpetrators of violence against women and ch

"Equip the saints for ministry" (Ephesians 4:12) is the scriptural key to Domestic Violence: What Every Pastor Needs to Know, by the Reverend Al Miles. `The saints,' in this case are clergy. As an aside, just so that no one feels too sanctimonious about the `saint' appellation, Rev. Miles also included clergy as some of the perpetrators of domestic violence: "Perpetrators of domestic violence are everywhere; some even worship in and lead our churches" (127). Miles intention, however, was not to assign blame, but to elicit support from clergy in recognizing, dealing with (confession, repentance, forgiveness), and helping in the care of all victims of domestic abuse: perpetrators, target victims, and the peripherally affected. Clergy, by definition, should be part of the care-giving team composed of medical personnel, psychologists, and social workers, which respond to the complex consequences to domestic violence.Miles suggested eight bullet points to direct clergy on how to become helpful in changing incidents of domestic violence into circumstances promoting domestic tranquility: (1) "Seek training; (2) Know your limits; (3) Avoid bringing the abuser together with the victim to `get at the truth'; (4) Be realistic; (5) Put the victim's safety first; (6) Hold him accountable; (7) Redirect his Scripture reading; and, (8) Hold out hope" (124-126). Miles pointed out an important truth: "Perpetrators of domestic violence can change, but few can do so without long-term commitment to work on their issues. Clergy and other pastoral ministers can assist abusers in this difficult but necessary process. Ministers must also be willing to work closely with professionals from a variety of other disciplines" (127-128). The professional key to dealing with domestic violence is work as a member of a professional team with the understanding of the need for long-term commitment!Myth busting is part of the work of the clergy according to Miles. Where domestic violence is concerned the more obvious myths are: "#1 There are no abused women in my congregation; #2 Christian survivors need only faith, prayer, a positive attitude, and God to be freed from domestic violence; #3 Domestic violence occurs only in certain cultural, racial, and socioeconomic groups, and only in urban areas; #4 Victims can stop the battering by changing their behavior. This will save their marriages and families" (50-69). Statistics, case studies, sociological surveys, and psychological profiles put the lie to those myths. The problem according to Miles is that clergy suffer from "denial" (166), "a sense of fear and helplessness" (169), "lack of appropriate training" (172), and "sexism" (174). By acknowledging these problems, by acquiring further specific education, and by working in conjunction with other appropriate professionals, clergy certainly would help rectify the current deplorable situation.Domestic violence is not going to disappear on its own accord (185). The real issues of

As a pastor, I found Al Miles book excellent and I feel it should be required reading for every pastor. Domestic violence has reached an epidemic level in communities large and small throughout the U.S. One out of three women in our country will experience violence at the hands of an intimate partner some time in their lifetime. Women in congregations are being abused physically and emotionally. As Al Miles points out, when women come to their pastors, male and female, they are often told to try harder, to be a better wife, or to pray more. They are given to believe that they are at fault for their husband's abuse. The problem, Miles shows very clearly, is that abusers are often quite charming and manipulative. Outside of the home no one would guess that abuse is taking place. Miles points out that many ministers are afraid to get involved, afraid to be caught in the middle. Both the husband and the wife may be good church members. To side with the wife certainly might alienate the husband. Doing nothing, however, may put the wife and children in grave danger, and the husband will continue his pattern of abuse. In chapter one, Miles discusses scriptural passages that are often read out of context or even misread to justify a husband's abuse and control of his wife. Abuse, whether physical or emotional, is a control issue. The book includes many examples of stories by women of the abuse they received and the unhelpful responses of many clergy. We need to be informed. We need to understand what we can do to help the victims in extremely damaging and dangerous relationships. The result of years of abuse deprives women of their self-esteem and in some cases even their lives. If you are a clergy person, male or female, get this book. It will help you minister and assist all persons in your parish and help you deal with a problem that is far more prevalent than we realize. This is not a problem confined to one social class or ethnic group. It is not a problem confined to cities. Pastors, doctors, lawyers are just as likely to be abusers as blue collar workers. If we include mention of the problem in our newsletters, in our pastoral prayers, and in our sermons we will find that women will come forth to gain help. That is not an easy thing to do. We must listen carefully and believe the victims. The book will help you get the resources you need to be of help. Dick Dickinson, Senior Minister, First Congregational Church, Topeka, Kansas

My major is Human Services focusing in Victimology. I have long suspected the church was/is not doing all it can when it comes to counseling victims of domestic violence. Basically, Pastor Miles, gives members of the clergy clear guidelines to deal with a subject some have long been in denial about. There are some very clear choices here: either counsel these victims with some degree of common sense; or, the next time they see them they may be performing their eulogy.