Divorced Dads: Shattering the Myths

Those are the words of Dr. Sandy Braver, recounting his experience at a moderated conference on child support collections, after the moderator stated:"You know, I've heard about your (Dr. Braver's) findings. Our panel was discussing this very issue, of differences between mother's and father's answers, over lunch. And what we concluded was if the mother tells you one thing and the father tells you something else, then the father is a g--damned liar."Dr. Braver's book should be in the hands of every legislator who purports to conduct an equitable review of the Divorce Industry.Gerald L. Rowles, Ph.D.

Sanford Braver and Diane O'Connell drop an h-bomb on the conspiracy cells involved in destroying the United States through attacking families, especially via fathers. He uses the most potent weapon of all -- the facts. Braver's accomplishment is one of the great works of the 20th Century.

Sanford Braver (Psychology, Arizona State University) and Diane O'Connell offer us a non-technical presentation and discussion of the most thorough, responsible research to date on divorced fathers. Based on Dr. Braver's eight-year, federally-funded study of divorced fathers, this book lives up to its subtitle by shattering myths that are prevalent not only among the general public but also among legislators, judges, policy-makers, and members of the media. I came away from a careful reading of this book convinced that approaching the problem of child support collection by increasing enforcement mechanisms and penalties is doomed to failure. These approaches seem attractive only because we have misunderstood the problem. I believe the book will also be helpful for divorced and divorcing fathers. They will learn that they are not alone in the way they have been treated by the divorce system. *Divorced Dads* is neither a self-help book nor an advocacy book. But it will help divorced fathers understand their situation and it will certainly provide the research to ground advocacy to change our current divorce system.

Braver and O'Connell's Divorced Dads: Shattering the Myths, emerges as the first work on the subject to extend it's reach beyond mere hyperbole in either direction. Having put pen to paper expecting to verify current cultural wisdom about the attitudes and actions men who experience divorce have toward their children, the authors instead develop a credible body of research showing that most of what is thought of as true.... simply isn't. In the same vein as works like "Who Stole Feminism" by Christina Hoff Sommers, it dares to question many of the myths that have served to paint men into an anachronistic corner as we move into the twenty-first century. While we live in a world that increasingly supports women in "nontraditional roles from the corporate boardroom to construction site, there are no such affirmative action programs for men who want to start daycare centers or be stay at home dads. Such is the paradoxical society that Divorced Dads writes about. My only criticism of the book is it's rather brief treatment at looking at the reasons behind the myths and prejudice described within. Without understanding the reasons behind them, they will be difficult to correct.I found it affirming in its ability to describe the kind of prejudice I have personally experienced as a divorced dad, and depressing in its description of the despair and isolation such men frequently face when trying to stay involved in their children's lives. Hopefully, this book will help stimulate disenfranchised fathers, open-minded politicians and policy makers into action intended to reverse the laws and attitudes preventing children from having loving relationships with both their parents.Our children deserve no less.

"Divorced Dads", a new Tarcher/Putnam book written by Sanford L. Braver with Dianne O'Connell, should be read by everyone interested in America's children. It will not be, primarily because it presents unmistakable findings that many of the most central myths Americans want to believe are wrong. Eliminating those myths from our lives, which we must do if we hope to reach rational conclusions, would expose and threaten our profound biases, however, and is thus too painful to tolerate. Better to continue the way we were, ignoring and diminishing what has already happened to children who have had one parent taken away from them by a society protecting the other parent regardless of what may be best for the children."Divorced Dads" misses the mark only once when it concludes that "no real remedies" are available to a court to prevent a custodial parent from wrongfully preventing children from obtaining access to their other parent. A right without a remedy is no right at all. Before looking the other way at this kind of unlawful conduct by a custodial parent the courts had better think harder about remedies that can be effective. The U.S. Government for the first time is starting to spend a tiny amount of "seed" money to explore the question, and individuals like Professor Richard Gardner have offered a host of suggestions to this problem, some of which are being tested by courageous judges. There is no shortage of possible solutions - only an absence of will to buck the prevailing political tide.If the "Jim Crow" mentality of the Deep South could be overcome despite the determination to maintain "segregation forever", surely our children should not continue to be kept from maintaining relationships with decent fathers because of vindictive and hateful mothers. "Divorced Dads" can help lead the way to change that is long overdue.