Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving & Thriving with the Self-Absorbed

Pages 50-55 were helpful for me. All of chapter 2 is definitely worth reading! Chapters 4 & 5 were helpful.

This is a great book. I was married to a man who was clinically diagnosed with narcisstic personality disorder. He was threatened by the fact that I felt good about myself in a healthy way - recognizing my own strengths and weaknesses and he would try to take everything good about me and tear it down and exaggerate any flaws. At first, it made me wonder why someone would treat me this way and I became depressed. I was smart enough to get counseling which equates to information and support and counteracts their attacks. He hated this. He wanted control. I went on to watch him have many children with many women after I divorced him and the last one physically hurt him. I never thought he'd admit anything but he told (after not talking to him for about 10 years) that MAYBE he was the catalyst for the angry behaviors he instilled in people. Hey, for him that was a HUGE thing to admit. At any rate, I've dealt with a lot of people who want to sabotage others - they must be first at all costs and then there are those who simply are insecure and you really can stay in friendships, relationships, etc. if it's on a mild degree but you MUST balance that with several psychologically healthy people. If the relationship is toxic, move on - there are too many good people out there. A little bit of healthy narcissism is good in all of us - helps build self-esteem but either extreme - feeling you're better than everyone or being beat down by someone who thinks they're better than everyone (or wants to think that) - common sense tells you that that is NOT healthy. This book is well-written and although we all interpret things differently, there seems to be a consensus that she delivers the right message and does a great job doing so. I think this is a great book for anyone to read.

I have over 25 years of full time practice as a therapist and have had extensive training in psychoanalysis, cognitive therapy and schema therapy (the approach upon which this book is based). This book does justice to the full depth and complexity of Narcissism. It does not offer simplistic advice or a quick solution that, like chewing gum, seems great at the start but quickly fades. With warmth, a delightful sense of humor and compassion, this author takes you by the hand and introduces you to the key strategies we have found effective in dealing with, and overcoming, narcissism. This book is clear, practical, and enjoyable to read. It will take time, effort and repeated study to fully grasp all that is offered but I can assure that your effort will be well rewarded since this author has obviously "done her homework" and truly knows. Upon first read, some of the strategies may seem difficult to execute. This is because they are built upon a blending and layering of skills and knowledge involving the heart and the mind. This is what it takes to be effective with narcissism. There is not a quick and easy way. I can assure you that if you are not just going through the motions, they work. Similar to learning to play a musical instrument or a new sport like golf or tennis, what can seem daunting at the start will eventually be in your grasp if you break it into the steps you need and gradually put it all together. Some of us will be a quick study and some of us will benefit from additional "coaching". The author provides useful links for the latter. I, as a seasoned therapist, have learned a great deal from this book and find it making a significant difference in my work. I will be returning to it repeatedly myself.

"Disarming the Narcissist" is a real "GPS" (Global Positioning System) for anyone attempting to navigate on the road of life with the challenging narcissist. This well crafted primmer integrates complex theories with human, compassionate and practical applications. The author's way with words is truly masterful.

I found this book to be enlightened, instructive and readable. After having read several other "self help" books on narcissism, this book uniquely provides a framework for both understanding the disorder and learning how to deal with it. The prose was masterful, and the methodology which was articulated intriguing. I have hope that this book will improve my ability to understand my own reactions to my narcissistic partner, and aid me in being more effective in dealing with her.