Dear Stupid,: Letters to My Wounded Child Within

This book was recommended to me to help me heal in spite of people in my life who are afraid of Recovered Memory Therapy. Repressed memories are the most common symptom of incest and other sexual abuse but RMT opponents are against it because they claim family relationships are destroyed. It was evident throughout this book that Zandra desired NOT to damage family relationships. RMT opponents also claim that therapists try to "plant" inappropriate suggestions of "false memories" in the minds of their clients. But Zandra's inner six-year-old child corrects the therapist and at times, she refuses to answer some of his questions. She even disagrees with him and ignores him at other times. Zandra was reluctant to reveal who her perpetrators were. She alluded to their identity over and over in therapy sessions. If you will read the whole book, you will have to admit Little Zandra was only having difficulty verbalizing what she had been attempting to say all along. Zandra needed gentle encouragement to overcome the struggle of her inner child to "obey" and not tell the secret. After all, remembering the secrets meant she'd have to face the awful truth that no child really wants to believe. It's less painful to blame ourselves than to admit someone they love doesn't really love them. Zandra is definitely a trailblazer and bridge builder! Thank you for building a bridge for me!

Chapters 17 & 19 were especially intriguing. The first is the transcript of the therapy session in which Little Zandra revealed "stupid" - the make-believe person. Little Zandra gave her that name, but later renamed her and thanked her for "saving my life" and "letting me be the smart one." Chapter 19 records the therapist's conversation with "stupid." She was asked why she was keeping the secret. "Because that's my job" and to forget and to feel confused and stupid - so the secret would remain hidden. This is how Little Zandra managed to function in a nightmare she could not escape. Thank you, Zandra, for sharing.

I began reading this book in preparation for a presentation on childhood sexual abuse for my graduate program. What I found was more than just "information". Ms. Bridger's courage is remarkable! I could not put this book down! As a survivor, I could relate to so many of the issues she presents in the book. It was incredibly helpful.

It took great courage to write about these personal experiences, much less to publish them to help others. Being a survivor, and having worked with many survivors, I don't know that I know anyone else who would have done so. This openness truly does forge a path in the wilderness for others to follow. What a tremendous relief to know I am not the only one. No survivor is. We need to know that. If you cannot relate to the title or the information within the book, I can only say I am glad for you. Because that means you didn't go through that horrific abuse. The title and the words within are not a slap to survivors, they are the truth you believe before recovery. The title actually pays homage to the survival instincts that keep abused children functioning until adulthood where they can get help and healing. They are acutally quite genious. Zandra Bridger has done a wonderful job telling "our" story and giving us credit for surviving against all odds. Thank you!

Please don't change the title - EVER! I am an abuse survivor and I don't know if I would have had the courage to read it had it not been for the title. It is exactly how I have felt for so many years because I thought I should be able to just let the past go. I was amazed at how much of what happened to the author emotionally is so close to my own suffering. I finally feel that I am not weak and crazy to feel this way. The passage from the introduction (about acting) on the back cover made my cry out loud because I have lived it every day for years. There is a song that came out the year I graduated High School - Robert Flack's 'Killing me softly' - that reflects the way I felt in reading this book. It was very painful yet quite wonderful at the same time. To the author - Thank you for your incredible courage! a.