Dear Birthmother: Thank You for Our Baby

This adoption classic is a wonderful view into the post placement, lifelong relationship between all members of the adoption triad. It is not, however, a guide to writing the pre-placement, "dear birthmother letter" that potential adoptive parents must create. For that sort of help, look to Nelson Handel's also wonderfully written "Reaching Out," which provides valuable insight into the process of open adoption for those setting off to build a family in this way.

This book allowed my husband and I to understand the evolution of open adoption -- what we now believe to be natural adoption. More importantly, "Dear Birthmother" described adoption from the perspective of birthmothers, which was a critical viewpoint for us hear while we were trying to also understand the concept of openness in adoption. When we were first considering adoption, we thought we'd want a "safe" experience where we'd only meet the birthmom and then she'd disappear. This book helped us see the range of openness that might be possible, as well as how closed adoption might feel instead. After reading this book and sharing many conversations about the idea of openness, our child was born and we began to experience the growth of our amazing, loving extended family that included our child's birthparents and birthgrandparents. How lucky we ALL began to feel. Now, during the wait for our second adoption, this book reminds me of how sure we are of open adoption and the abiding respect we have for the birthmother of our first child born to us through adoption.

I first read this book in 1988 when i was pregnant with my first child at the age of 15. The author of this book wrote it so well and it helped me through a very rough time in my life. I recommend this book to any one in the adoption triangle.

I read this book when my eldest adopted daughter was three years old, and we had just adopted our youngest daughter. Reading this book opened my eyes to the REAL feelings of the birthmother. Especially revealing was the overwhelming response that birthmothers needed information and needed to know their birthchildren were happy and well. After reading this book, I wrote a letter to my eldest daughter's birthmother (passed through our attorney) She replied with a letter to give to our daughter at a later date, explaining, as only she could the circumstances regarding her decision. The letter has been invaluable in helping our daughter feel connected to and loved by her birthmother. Our eldest daughter in now 14, our youngest 11, and we continue to exchange letters through our attorney. Reading this book will help adoptive parents to help their children and honor their birthparents.

This book is not only for birthparents, adoptive parents or people considering either! This book is a touching, wonderful book for anyone to read! My husband and I are highly considering adoption and I found this book both informative and easing. I was not sure how I would feel about a birthmother, but this book has taken me to a new level of understanding! If you thought birthmothers/fathers had no feelings, etc., YOU MUST READ THIS BOOK! The intense reality of birthparents and adoptive parents is so apparent in this book. It's a good book to sit down with your spouse and read together!