Dealing with the Crazymakers in Your Life: Setting Boundaries on Unhealthy Relationships

This is the third book I have read recently on the "crazy-maker" personality and how they impact those who are around them. Of the three, I think I liked this one the best but the other two were also very good ("Safe People" by Cloud and Townsend and "Who's Pushing Your Buttons" by John Townsend). Reading all three of these together was very helpful and validating. Each has a slightly different approach/theme, but worked together well and complimented each other. This book has three main sections: 1) Crazy-Making People -- helps identify the crazy-makers in your life and the various varieties there are. All crazy-makers aren't the same. Some are aggressive, control freaks who make you crazy through their agression. Others are sufferers who drive you up a wall by their inability to deal with anything in life and are the victim in every situation. Other types are also identified so you can get a handle on why these folks get to you and drive you nuts. 2) Caught in the Crazy-maker's net -- talks about how these people hook you into their lives and draw you into their dysfunctional world. Great section for making sure you don't get trapped with these folks in the future 3) Breaking Free -- how to set boundaries with these people and identify ways to get out of the trap of craziness. Sometimes you stay and adapt in a way that is healthy and sometimes the best solution is to leave. All of this material is covered with a sense of balance that the reader has enabled this unbalanced relationship in some way and has a part in it. At the same time, the book doesn't in any way let the crazy-maker off the hook. They are responsible for their actions and need to reap what they have sown through their crazy, nutty behavior. A couple of quotes from the book that really spoke to me to give you an idea of just how good this is: "Crazy-makers are small on responsibility and big on blame. I call them "energy suckers." You know the kind-when you are around them you feel like your very breath is being stolen from you." "While less likely to engage in blatant lying, sufferers have an incredible ability to twist the facts in their favor. No one struggles like they do. No one has it as rough. You couldn't possibly understand how horrible their life has been. In fact, according to them, everything works out perfectly for everyone else -- the rest of us are the lucky ones." "They twist facts so they can blame others for their unhappiness, when in fact the sufferers themselves are the key contributors to relational problems. But this insight into the truth would require them to change." If you only have time to read one book on the subject, this is where I would start -- more action steps on what to actually do. If you have time, I would recommend you read the other two books that I mentioned at the beginning of the review as well since they are a great combination.

This book has been such a blessing, coming from generations of dysfunctional family members. I've suffered from irritable bowel before family events-- I was nauseous and dizzy. I always thought that Christians were supposed to just "take it" when people were hurtful, aggressive, or blamed me for their problems. This distorted idea made me think that Crazymakers "can't help it" and we should simply try to "help" them. However, God's Word says differently about these types of people, and we can break free of these turbulent relationships. This author clearly understands the types of Crazymakers and how to lovingly co-exist with them- without being a punching bag. This book is so helpful. I can now spot Crazymaker tendencies before they are a full-blown feud, and I don't "take the blame" for their bad decisions. I am so freed, I don't dread family get-togethers. The author is also very candid about the mistakes he has made, making it clear that we all must accept responsibility for our choices.

Reviewed by Lori Plach for Reader Views (7/07) "It's YOU that has the problem NOT me!" "You're the one who is crazy NOT me!" How many times have you ever heard that? Maybe those aren't the exact words you hear, but surely you deal with these types of people in your daily life. These people are referred to as crazymakers. Crazymakers come is a wide array of personalities. There are the aggressors who will stop at nothing to get you over to following their will. There are the egotists who are so full of themselves that there is no room for anyone else to even have a place. There are those walking "time bombs" -- you know the type, they can blow at any given moment. There is those with the "poor me" attitude who always feel like they have been given a bum rap and that everything they experience is absolutely the worst. There are also the "authorities" whose attitude is it's their way or no way. There is help on the way to help you take control of your unhealthy relationships. Perhaps these crazymakers are your co-workers, members of your family, or even your spouse. There is help on the way to help you take control of your unhealthy relationships. Dr. David Hawkins, the relationship doctor is here for you. With over 30 years of counseling experience, he brings his knowledge and applicable verses from Holy Scripture to give you hope. You are important and its time for you to step up and let your thoughts and feelings be known. Your first step is to get out of their trap. They don't need to have reigns on you any longer. You can break free and live a different way than the way you have been. You can change from enduring, to being happy, in your relationships. Since crazymakers are all over, this easy-to-use guidebook is excellent reading for anyone. I found it very easy to read and a wealth of valuable information and insights to apply to my daily life. After reading this book, I am very interested in reading more books written by this relationship doctor. I feel empowered by "Dealing with the CrazyMakers in Your Life," and can now set boundaries in relationships and go from enduring, to enjoying, the time of grace on this earth. Dealing with crazymakers is a fact of life, but it's not an end, but a beginning!

This book is a must read for anyone who wants to gain a greater insight on to how to deal with those toxic personalities that are in our lives. For anyone who has endured verbal abuse or wondered how communication in a third world country could seem more effective than on the home front, this book is so inspirational and positive. After reading Dr. Hawkins riveting text written in such a gripping conversational style, I felt as if I could finally build better emotional fences with people who were controlling, aggressive, borderline, narcissistic, or just plain overly dramatic. Proactive solutions and essential questions are given by the author to help his audience come to tackle the interpersonal demons that affect us all at home, at work, and even in our respective congregations. This book was a true beacon of hope and served as a positive catalyst for my own personal growth. I enthusiastically endorse this book to any clergy, layperson, or therapist in our country.

Written by Dr. David Hawkins, a counselor of more than 30 years' experience, Dealing With the Crazy Makers in Your Life: Settling Boundaries on Unhealthy Relationships is a no-nonsense guide to dealing with the people who literally drive one crazy - whether they are spouses, other family members, co-workers, or anyone else one has to interact with on a regular basis. Chapters cover different individual types with flaws that can induce mind-crunching headaches, including aggressors, egotists, borderlines (those who appear rational but may explode at any moment), sufferers/martyrs, and rigid control freaks. The true value of Dealing with the Crazy Makers in Your Life lies in its practical, no-nonsense advice for coping with such people: the importance of setting boundaries; how crucial it is to never bluff and always follow through on any rules or promises; the value of letting an irresponsible individual suffer the consequences of his irresponsibility rather than clean up after him; and more. "Crazy-makers lack boundaries. They have a way of manipulating us into saying more than we are comfortable of saying and doing more than we want to do. We catch ourselves too late, after we've already spilled our guts. We must learn the importance of privacy." Though there are Christian elements within Dealing with the Crazy Makers in Your Life, such as recommendations to pray and spend time in the Word, Dealing with the Crazy Makers in Your Life is primarily a problem-solving self-help guide for readers of all backgrounds and faiths. Highly recommended.