Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need

It's a good thing that Dave Barry's travel guide is untranslatable into any language other than American. Otherwise we might have to go to war with all of those countries that he reported to be shaped like a large ketchup stain, or where he had to shell out 4,000 pfarthings to use the public restroom. Our author does not take such insults lightly. Nor does he expect you to. This guide is filled with such useful phrases as, "Mi (esposo, esposa) es been tramplado por toros," or "Tuo fratello Raoul dormi con los pesces."Luckily, according to Dave, many foreign people speak our language. "Stick them up!" they'll say. "Please to be handing over your American Express traveler's checks! Don't leave home without them!"There are lots of useful airline tips in this book, such as how to behave if your airplane is infested by demons, how to fit a lawn tractor into the overhead baggage compartment, and what do about the 475-pound man in the adjacent seat who has forearms the size of Roseanne. For those of you who are afraid of flying, the author very kindly takes time to explain how an airplane flies (I didn't know an airplane wing had ailerons AND halyards).Dave doesn't just do Europe. He also takes on the fifty states ('Massachusetts is an Indian word meaning "place that is hard to spell"), Canada (which "boasts numerous goose-infested lakes"), and Mexico ("Unit of Currency - The Lambada"). I can't help wondering whether this book had anything to do with the current state of relations between ourselves and our closest neighbors.Don't let your kids read this book right before a history or geography test, especially not Dave's highlighted "Facts at a Glance" boxes. Even I know that the unit of currency in Greece is not 'The Sheep." It's the 'minimum.'

This is the ideal book for anyone who was been left frothing and screaming in a plane that is "experiencing technical difficulties," or someone who is being forced to view large wads of culture in a foreign city, or has been dragged to Disney World by a small child. Dave Barry unleashes his frustrated commentary on the travel world in general, in one of his most hilarious books ever. (In general, the more frustrated Dave Barry is, the funnier he is)He goes over various details of travelling, such as proper travel planning, travel checks ("A Lot of People Never Figure Out How to Cash Them"), car rentals, luggage ("... will hold two pairs of socks PLUS your dental floss"), and bribing nuns. Then we handle foreign languages, and he gives you a few useful phrases like "Sacre moo! Ce EST mon CHAT!" ("Holy cow! This [the food] IS my cat!"). Then it's air travel, where Barry vents his spleen on airport security, airport food, small children on planes, and tips for kids on how to have fun with security personnel. Then it's time for family fun, at Disney World where cheerful employees will make sure you have fun, or else. He also gives you tips on the fifty states of the US, useful info and plenty of trivia. (For example, the Florida state seal shows a mosquito with a machine gun, and Iowa's Official State Motto is "You Bet!") He also handles other North American countries like Canada (which has cold air masses) and Mexico (Unit of Currency: The Lambada). He also briefly forays to Europe, where he lampoons various countries in turn. (Instructions: How to use a bidet) Then it's staying in a hotel, and if that isn't awful enough, camping out.If you have a deep-rooted hate of airport security personnel, or you hate camping, or you hate being shortchanged in Austria, then this book is for you. Keep on writing, Mr. Barry, but you may want to rethink the book tours...

I have read this book 14 times in the last 5 years and I still laugh when I read it! I collect comic stuff since I remember existing and this book beats everything. Every time I travel I take it along with me and everyone that reads just a couple of pages is imediatlly laughing out loud. Dave Barry jokes on every conceiveble aspect of traveling and "hits the spot" each and every time. More than 5 sters

Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need was the second book of Barry's that I've read and all I can say is, "Wow!" While reading this book, one should image the most ridiculous scenerio conceivable, then read on to find something even funnier. I especially enjoyed his take on flying and airport security. "I certainly have a lot of body hair, for a woman!" is an expression that should be used if a male wishes to avoid suspicion according to Barry. His analysis of each state's highlights and lowlights is equally as entertaining. "Maryland is a fast-growing state boasting a dynamic economy based on giving speeding tickets to people attempting to drive through." For our convinience, he has even included practical foreign language phrases that had me rolling on the ground (in the middle of school) for at least half a class period each. His step by step advice for planning, taking, and surviving a trip are ludicrously funny, yet seem to touch on everyone's own travel experiences. I have resolved to become an avid reader of Dave Barry's material. I strongly urge everyone to get their hands on some of his work. It'll bring laughter to your life even after you've put it down.

I, like another reviewer below, was also introduced to Dave Barry through this book. It really is impossible to not laugh out loud while reading it. (Just thinking about it is making me laugh right now.) Some of the highlights of the book are Dave's summary of Walt Disney World ("do not fall out of the tram without first coming to a full and complete stop..."), his thoughts about flying and airports ("...in fact, when travelers aren't walking through the detectors, the security personnel use them to cook their lunch..."), and how to correctly fold a suit for packing (first, lay the suit on a flat surface, such as a tennis court...). Well, I guess I don't do justice to him. The innumerable charts and drawings only make you laugh even more. Be sure to read the Facts at a Glance for all the European countries.