Dating with Integrity

I read this in college when I was 20. Having just ended (mutually) a 2 year relationship with a Christian girlfriend, I wanted no part of another breakup. How is it possible, I thought, that two Christians can "break up" and, at the same time, "preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace"?(Eph. 4:3) This struck me as a contradiction in terms. There must be a better way, I thought. To my delight I picked up this book and discovered that there was a better way to relate with members of the opposite sex while avoiding all of the heartache and potential dissonance in the Body of Christ that breakups often bring. After my breakup, I began operating on Holzman's model as much as I could. Yes, I was teased at times by other Christians, but how thankful I am now that I stuck to it. I became very good freinds with a sister. Without the romance or the false boyfriend-girlfriend vows, we were forced to develop our friendship--we couldn't fall back on romance as so many couples do. That friendship and, ultimately, our commitment to each other, has provided a strong, enriching, growing marriage of 8 years. No doubt, Dating With Integrity is a radically counter-cultural approach to dating, but wasn't Jesus radically counter-cultural, Himself? This book is about principles: bibical principles that show us how to conduct ourselves with complete honesty and genuiness toward our brothers and sisters in Christ. Having patterned my relationship with my sister (and now wife) after these principles, I am more convinced now than I was while practicing them that Holzman's philosophy of dating is the most biblical philosphy I know of. Be ready to be challenged, but hear it from someone who actually followed it: it works!

I first came across this book as a junior in college. I was in a long-term relationship at the time, and my then-girlfriend DIDN'T want me to read it. I'm glad I did! A number of Christian friends had told me that they were concerned about my relationship (which wasn't healthy from any perspective), and God used this book to open my eyes to the truth about Boyfriend/Girlfriend relationships--THEY DON'T WORK. Setting up mini-marriages with virtually all of the rights and benefits that married couples enjoy in not God's idea of how non-married parties should relate--not to mention all of the emotional and spiritual hurt and harm that break-ups usually cause. Holzmann gives excellent Biblical support for his arguments against the traditional dating structure, as well as presenting a realistic picture of what could be. A warning to all who read the book, however. Living out a no-dating lifestyle is extremely difficult in our dating culture. There are very few examples one can look to in every-day life for support/guidance, including other Christians, and discussions regarding this lifestyle can illicit laughs and cynicism from skeptics. But I am convinced that a Brother/Sister relationship is God's ONLY choice for the non-married believer. I commend the author for helping me to see that.

I enjoyed every moment of reading! Through reading this book, my views on friendships and relationships has enhanced tremendously. I've learned to appreciate each unique and personal relationship with ALL OF MY FRIENDS in a whole new more Christlike way! The way I believe God has it planned for us...Life Abundantly (John 10:10) :) Enjoy!

This is a great book that talks about dating from a Christian perspective. It emphasizes that you should treat everyone as your Brother and/or Sister in Chirst. I wished I had read this book earlier so that I could have handled previous relationships with more wisdom.

This book is THE source on dating! It should be part of every Christian family household. I am now married, but I am saving my copy for my 17 mo. old son for when he becomes a teenager. Truly a wonderful, insightful book! A MUST HAVE!