Dancing on Quicksand: A Gift of Friendship in the Age of Alzheimer's

Dancing on Quicksand was an incredibly inspirational book. Reading it has made me want to be a better person, listen more carefully, to love others unconditionally, to work harder at loving others where they are. In a culture where we want to get rid of anything difficult, it was refreshing to see what Marilyn Mitchell gained by sticking with David and loving him through his illness. Although this is a book about a person who has helped someone with dementia, it is far more than that. It is a book about what real love looks like. I am just about to open up my copy one more time and read it again. Thanks Marilyn for sharing this rich experience with us!

I can't remember when I last read a book that I found so moving! Dancing on Quicksand moved me both to laughter (many of the predicaments Marilyn Mitchell and David find themselves in are truly hilarious) and to a reflective sadness. If only! I kept thinking as I read this book. If only I had read this while my own grandparents were still living. What a deeper, more fulfilling (for us both) relationship would have been possible if I had had the insight not to give up so soon. The point that Ms. Mitchell makes so poignantly - Never judge someone by his worst day - is perhaps the greatest gift of advice one could be offered vis a vis a relationship with a loved one who is surely waning, but not yet gone. This simple reminder to ourselves has the power to add many more gold and silver memories that we will cherish later. Thank you Marilyn Mitchell for this wonderful, wonderful book.

After reading this beautiful book, it stayed with me for days. I laughed, cried, and shuddered (see Riding the Light Rail vignette, page 64) but couldn't put it down. David's struggle with Alzheimer's validates my own mother's story and the challenges we had in finding good care for her. Even the title connected with me. My mother loved to dance and one of the dearest memories I have toward the end was dancing with her in the kitchen of the group home to "String of Pearls." How blessed David was to have Marilyn in this part of his life, and how blessed I feel having read their experience. What a gift she has for being so perceptive and seeing such love and beauty in human kind. Thank you Marilyn Mitchell for sharing that gift!

Marilyn Mitchell teaches us a compelling lesson. Regardless of a person's mental or physical condition, there are always means to express love, to exhibit respect, to offer support and to nurture. Mitchell always finds a way, in spite of David Touff's persistent slide into dementia. She captivates the reader as she recollects their "adventures" together. She encourages David to continue to savor the magnificence of life, in spite of his progressing disability, and in turn, he responds by dazzling her with his spontaneous moments of brilliant lucidity. The difficult challenges of life are recounted in their "dance" together, although she never fails to find grace in each hour she spends with him. This, in spite of the fact that during their eight years together, David has never recalled her name. Marilyn Mitchell teaches us about dignity and the grandeur of the human spirit. She is an inspiration. I didn't want this book to end.

A friend recommended this book to me, and after seeing what it was about, my first reaction was to pass. I was expecting a heavy and depressing memoir about caring for the aging. In fact, it's a sprightly and life-affirming story about the continuity of love. First of all, David Touff is no ordinary dementia patient. He has lived a remarkable life as a businessman, community leader, and world traveler, and his kindness, sense of humor, and vitality are keenly observed and vividly brought to life. Even more importantly, author Marilyn Mitchell is no ordinary caregiver. Mitchell was originally hired to provide "adventures" for David, and these adventures, which take place throughout the city of Denver, keep the narrative fluid and interesting. She repeatedly engages David with a remarkable zest and creativity that is both a lot of fun to read about and an outstanding example for people caring for a friend or relative suffering from dementia. Mitchell always gives David the benefit of the doubt, and where other people might dwell on what he can't do or remember, she always finds a surprising cogency and consistency with his core personality.What emerges in the end is the story of an improbably intimate relationship between two very different people. Dementia is a disease that I wouldn't wish on anyone, but I came away from this book less afraid of it than I used to be. I know now that love between two people can persist in the face of severe memory loss.