Contrary to Love: Helping the Sexual Addict

This book is very thorough in its explanation of sex addiction. As the spouse of a sex addict, I found it very comforting to understand the why and how of the addiction. During my dark hours when I was feeling hurt, rejected and making the addiction about me it was so healing to read this clinical analysis to create some distance and offer me some perspective. I really liked how he explained the benefits of the 12 step program and how effective it is in treatment. He brings a poetry and spirituality to the program that I think you don't find in most literature. He really explains from beginning to end the cycle of addiction, the role of the co-addict and what is required for long term addiction recovery. This truly is a must read for addicts and anyone touched by the disease of sex addiction.

This book is not written for the lay person dealing with this issue, but rather for the mental health professional. The "evaluation" pages are helpful but that was about it. I highly recommend, "Out of the Shadows".

This is a very comprehensive book on the mechanisms of sexual addiction. It is direct and thorough, with lots of detail on the dynamics of this disorder and the does a good job of describing the disorder at the individual and systems levels. I agree with the reviews below that this particular book might be a bit much for someone who is caught in the midst of early recovery sexual addiction and the attendant self deception that accompanies it. However, for someone well into recovery it offers much in terms of understanding this disorder at a deeper level. This is a very good book for therapists considering different approaches to treating sexual addiction. Patrick Carnes is not shy about presenting his point of view and he is certainly an authority in this field. I have also read Out of the Shadows by the same author and preferred this for my purposes in understanding sexual addiction. However, I think the two books speak to different audiences and both have value. Out of the Shadows is more appropriate for a sexual addict in recovery or for people trying to get a general understanding of sexual addiction. My favorite book on this topic is Women, Sex and Addiction by Kasl. Her focus is on women, but there is a lot of good general information, case studies and explanations. However, it lacks the rigorous treatment of the disorder from a systems approach as well as the various treatment options. It does, however, include spiritual aspects of the problem and presents the topic in a very compassionate way. It also includes a lot of good information on sexual codependence

For me it would have been more difficult to appreciate this book had I not read "Out of the Shadows." I had purchased these books over ten years ago but only read them within the past few months. One of the great values of Carnes approach is his no wholes barred, stratight on approach to addiction and the role that sexual addiction plays. There is nothing wishy-washy in his approach to the dilemma, nor is there anything apologetic about his criticisms (i.e. limitations) of AA and common theraputic practices. To me he is entirely convincing which speaks for his clear understanding of addiction that adds for the breakdown of social or societal illusions and delusions. I just wish he took more seriously what he refers to as stage one addictions to which he does concede some degree of (to me mostly unjustifiable) normalcy and acceptance based on social norms. Aside from that, it is simply an outstanding book.

The title of this book reveals the premise that Patrick Carnes presents. He tells us that the behaviors of sexual addicts are not actions of love, but of abnormal, compulsive rituals performed in a desparate attempt to self-treat the feelings of despair and anger that has become the fabric of the addict's life. This book is not an introductory volume, it is quite thorough and detailed. The author outlines six phases of sex addiction as well as explaining three levels of behavior. He points out that the different levels of behavior are not necessarily progressive, but the phases of addiction ARE. While this book is designed specifically for those who are care-givers for the sexually addicted, it also gives comfort and insight to the co-addict or codependent involved with the addict. The thoroughness and detail that he writes with may actually be beyond the easy comprehension of many addicts themselves, due to their cloudy comprehension and frequent separations from reality, but I would recommend this book as a challenge and as an invaluable tool for breaking the chains of sexual addiction.