Connection Parenting: Parenting Through Connection Instead of Coercion, Through Love Instead of Fear

There seem to be no bounds to clever and innovative ways of changing children's behaviour. Common approaches span anything from spanking, time outs, Magic 1, 2, 3, to positive discipline and offering rewards. The commonality of these "techniques" are that they begin with the aim of controling, manipulating or altering behaviour. Then there is the other world view. This alternative attempts to delve beyond a child's behaviour and focuses on who the child is, their intrinsic motivation and the importance or primacy of their relationship with the parent in that context. This often involves understanding, meeting needs and connecting with a child. There are no quick fixes here, it is an approach based on non coercive, respectful and loving relationships. For practitioners of this parenting approach behaviour becomes another form of communication and expression, rather than something to be controlled or changed. This world view also has its fair share of acronyms, books and techniques - often to the point where parents wanting to explore it will not know where to begin. Well at least that is one problem solved... If you are indeed curious about and open to this alternative approach then Pam Leo's Connection Parenting represents a fantastic introduction, distillation and road map for your journey. (Pam Leo pictured right.) The book is a product from Pam Leo's more than 55,000 hours of experience with children and stems from a Connection Parenting Course she initiated in 1982 entitled "Meeting the Needs of Children". The years spent developing, refining and simplifying her message pay off with a strong clarity and economy in her book, making it extremely readable. For those brave enough you can interact and engage with it fully by answering questions and doing exercises. For others it can still become an excellent reference and summary of many key concepts in the field of non coercive parenting. IT'S ABOUT YOU Leo begins and ends the book with a confronting look at ourselves, the parents. The first chapter, "Connecting with Ourselves" examines our self perceived strengths and weaknesses as well as our own experience of being parented to assist in identifying our "parenting inheritance". In this process Leo is constantly encouraging us to be compassionate and accepting of what has been. She creates a powerful balance between understanding and outing our baggage while focusing energy on where we wish to go from here. In fact she encourages us to generate a list of parenting goals which she refers to throughout the rest of the book. The book ends with a chapter entitled "Connecting with Our Own Needs". Here she identifies that children's needs are best met when we acknowledge and meet our needs first. From small daily tips (eg. taking 10 minutes a day to nurture yourself) to developing resources, support structures and communities around yourself - its focus is providing the parent with the most powerful context and opportunity to connect with th

Henry David Thoreau first read his essay on "Civil Disobedience" in public during a lecture in 1848 and within fifty years, a young Indian lawyer in Africa had read it and incorporated those ideas into his own life. That lawyer was named Mohandas Gandhi, and Thoreau's work, along with the work of Russian writer Leo Tolstoy, became the foundation of a movement that brought down an empire and changed the course of world history. Someone once said to me, "There is nothing in the world so powerful as an idea whose time has come." Pam Leo's book, "Connection Parenting: Parenting Through Connection Instead of Coercion... Through Love Instead of Fear" is a book of ideas whose time has come. After reading this book, I understood myself better than I ever have from reading any other book. And trust me, I've read a lot of books, on average two or three a week for the last 35 years. In every book, I've found one or two useful bits about the human condition that I could both absorb and put into practice. This is the only body of work I have ever encountered where all the scattered pieces are in one place, all at the same time. There are at least four layers in "Connection Parenting". The first layer is the most obvious; it's a book about parent/child bonding and attachment. This is a practical framework for optimizing family relationships so that everyone in a family gets their essential needs met and can thrive. This book lays out what we need to do differently so our children don't drive us crazy, so they can grow up to be whole, functional adults able to have healthy relationships, find meaningful work, and have satisfying lives. This alone is worth the price of the book, just for the information we need to become more effective parents. A second layer is that this book also maps out a process for building a Connection Parenting support community, using these ideas as a foundation for developing our current relationships with other parents into proactive resources. Many of us have lost the strong connections and support from our extended family. We are hungry for real community, and we desperately need the resources and support that community can provide. This is a workshop in a book, and though I'm certain it will be incredibly useful for any parent who reads it and completes the exercises by themselves, its greatest power and effect will be realized by those who put it into practice as a member of a parenting group committed to mutual support. The third layer speaks to self-reflection, which is where I started this review. It is impossible to read Connection Parenting without some small, quiet, internal aspect of our heart saying, "Wait a minute, if this is what I really needed as a child, and that is what I got instead, well no wonder I have these kinds of challenges in my life as an adult." While the primary focus of "Connection Parenting" is indeed creating and sustaining healthy parent/child bonds, the reality is that this book carries both a th

I'm a first time parent of a toddler, and am looking for ways to ensure that I raise a loving, emotionally healthy child. This book provides some very practical advice and explains emotional needs in a way that seems simple and to the point. The book is a quick read. I took away a lot from this book, and it has already helped me in dealing with my child's tantrums and has made me more aware of my actions and reactions toward her behavior.

I few years ago I went to Maine to give a talk about parenting. A number of moms came up to ask questions afterwards, and I was amazed at how thoughtful and reflective they were about their children, and about themselves. They all had a tremendous respect for their children and some great ideas about how to make things better for their families. I asked them, jokingly, if they had all taken the same class or something. They laughed and said that they had, they had taken Pam Leo's workshop called Meeting the Needs of Children. i decided I had to meet this person, and I did. We ended up presenting several lectures and workshops together. I was thrilled when she wrote her book, so that now those people who aren't able to take her class (and even those who do) can still get her wisdom and warmth. After reading the book, I was even more thrilled--it is well-written, powerful, and compassionate. I strongly recommend it. Larry Cohen, author of Playful Parenting.

I have read Pam Leo's book from cover to cover, and I want to recommend it to all parents and caregivers who feel frustrated with their children, tired of their behavior or wonder how to meet their needs. For example, in a book store yesterday, I observed several parents with toddlers in strollers who were listening to an author read a story book. The children were frustrated, some crying,and one insisting to be held by his mom who told this two-year old to sit still. This is a plainly a case of tired parents taking child out for entertainment and education.Was anyone benefitting? Were mom's needs or child's needs being met? If this sounds like you, buy and read Connection Parenting from cover to cover. It answers in such simple and common sense language how to meet your child'd needs through love and bonding, not fear or threats, or fatigue. It will change your thinking. Dr. Caron Goode Academy for Coaching Parents International, LLC www.acpi.biz