Connecting with Your Kids: How Fast Families Can Move from Chaos to Closeness

Today's families are running at breakneck speed trying to be here, there, everywhere - all at the same time. In an attempt to enrich their children's lives, parents sprint from breakfast to bedtime. Yet what families need most of all is not activity, but connection, according to author and family coach, Timothy Smith. In his revolutionary book for today's parents, Smith offers solutions through finding each family's heartprint, or pace. His book is divided into four sections: "Breathless Pounding" and "Checking your Pulse" explore the problem; "Discover Your Heartprint" offers tools for self-discovery; and "Making Your Heartprint Work" challenges families to put these ideas into action. People pay the cost of jam-packed activity, says Smith. "The saddest consequence for fast-lane drivers is the detrimental impact their crazed pace has on their children." He feels a passion for teaching parents to slow down, to rest, and enjoy life as a family. Connecting With Your Kids is absolutely perfect for Sunday school classes and small groups. He includes equal examples of moms and dads, so it's great for both genders. What makes the book so interesting is that it's packed full of real-life examples and dialogue. You may even forget you're reading non-fiction. Like reality TV, you're there. - Heather Ivester, Christian Book Previews.com

The bookstores are flooded with parenting books, but what I like best about Timothy Smith's CONNECTING WITH YOUR KIDS is its unique spin on finding the right "pace" for your family. Rather than offer a one-size-fits-all approach, Smith acknowledges the uniqueness of every family --- and every family member --- and offers concrete suggestions to make your special combination of personalities mesh in a way that doesn't make everyone crazy. Smith, a family coach and the author of THE SEVEN CRIES OF TODAY'S TEENS, believes most families need to slow down, although he acknowledges that some families function well at a fast pace. Many, however, are caught in the trap of too many music lessons, night classes, sports practices, tutoring lessons, youth groups...the list goes on and on. All of this is likely in the name of good parenting. As one mother said, "I don't know why, but we all believed that if some enrichment activities were good for our kids, then more enrichment activities would be even better." Not so, says Smith. "Rushed living clogs up our lives and robs us of enjoyment, effectiveness, and energy," he writes. Many times, parents also get caught up in the chaos: volunteering, night classes, bringing work home, planning evening activities away. We stay up late to catch up, and wake up exhausted. "Frantic lives rob us of precious energy," writes Smith. We need to know why we do what we do. "Don't keep adding activities to your schedule just because you can." To understand how your family might function the best, Smith divides our personalities into four "Heartprints:" Cruisers, Walkers, Runners, and Biathletes. Once you understand yourself and your child's personality, you can address the pace your family might function best at. The "Cruiser" likes life to be predictable and feels out of control if things are going too fast, he says. Cruisers don't like to make mistakes and sometimes veer toward being perfectionists. "Walkers" like to take life slow and steady, but unlike the Cruiser, they like a faster pace forward. Walkers are often just that --- walkers --- and sympathetic listeners. They also like approval. Runners squeeze as many things into a day as possible. They are the life of the party; everyone is their friend. Creative and energetic, they live life at warp speed, Smith writes. Biathletes, Smith says, are those who like to switch from fast to slow to fast again. They like variety and being in control. After identifying the four Heartprints, Smith makes suggestions for parenting each type of personality (and parenting several different personalities in one family) that will bring out the best in each child. It's an interesting concept and definitely worth considering. If you like taking personality profile tests or quizzes, you'll enjoy this section of the book. He also includes more general, practical ideas about changing an over-scheduled family, including a list of nine questions to ask yourself before signing up your child

Timothy Smith is a speaker, family coach, author and president of Life Skills for American Families. In Connecting with Your Kids, Smith offers sound, logical and practical advice to help parents discover and embrace the idea that parenting does not have to overwhelm you or take all your time and resources. He gives permission to cut back on activities and reduce the frantic pace of life while enriching family relationships. Smith believes that each family has a distinct personality and he maps out a plan where parents can discover theirs. This allows them to live a fuller and richer life with their children--the life that God wants them to have. Children want their parents to "be present." It is a message of love and that they "matter." By "slowing" down, Smith believes families can deepen their relationships with each other and experience joy. The discussion questions at the end of each chapter involve both parents and children. They elicit information about the needs of each individual and the family as a whole. The appendix is particularly helpful in providing examples of no-agenda time with the different age groups within a family. It also provides a quick look at the different heartprint (styles) that exist in individual family members (Walkers, Runners, Cruisers, Biathletes) and provides varied ways to relate to each style. Armchair Interviews says: If you want to slow your pace, enjoy your family more and live the family life God wants for you, Connecting with Your Kids is a manual that should be in your home. If you use it wisely and properly, it should look ragged and used in no time at all.

This is a must-read for today's parents. It examines the over-scheduled family of today and why the fast pace is a detriment to having healthy family relationships. You will be able to identify your child/children in the 4 types that the author describes. While some children can handle school, sports and other scheduled activities, others cannot. It shows up eventually in depression, rebellion, etc. This book will stop many parents in their tracks and help them to slow down and really connect with their children. Time for solitude and reflection is essential for all of us. Yet our hurried culture doesn't allow this concept to develop in our children. Reading this book and putting the concepts into practice will bring some balance into your household and strengthen relationships with your kids.