Confessions of a Cineplex Heckler: Celluloid Tirades and Escapades

Joe Queenan is a cynical b*stard. No, that's not an insult, and he probably wouldn't take it as such. In fact, he'd probably revel in it and tell me to keep up the good work. Queenan used to write for Movieline magazine and, for me at least, was the only thing worth reading in there. Confessions of a Cineplex Heckler: Celluloid Tirades and Escapades is a collection of some of these articles. As long as you don't mind raw language and (usually) snarky comments about movies and movie stars, you won't find a funnier book of entertainment essays around. I had to read parts of this book out loud to my wife (who has already read it, but so long ago that she doesn't remember details) because I had to talk about them to somebody.This was my first exposure to Queenan (at my wife's urging) and I can definitely say I'm going to track down the rest of his books. He has a self-admittedly bad attitude which doesn't really suit every reader, but makes me laugh and giggle endlessly at what he says. The title article, where he goes to certain movies and heckles them loudly to see how long it will take before other movie-goers will do something other than say "shhhhhh!" works on two levels: it shows what a complete a** he can be, but it also shows how passive a society we have become. He went to ten films and shouted things at the screen or at audience members who politely asked him to be quiet (such as "The movie's in Greek, pal. Potato chips can't drown out subtitles") In only one of these movies was he thrown out, and most of the other time, people either just tried to ignore him or basically just said "shhhh!" Very rarely did anybody actually do anything about it.That's one of the great things about Queenan. Sometimes, behind all the cynicism and general bad behaviour, there's a point to his articles. There's a wonderful article on Spike Lee in here, where Queenan not only interviews him, but comments on the interview too. Queenan doesn't ask the soft, simple questions but instead asks Lee things about the craft of his movies, even criticizing a bit and asking him to respond (like asking him about the long, drawn out endings to his movies). He comments in the article about how good he thinks Lee is, despite some of the problems in his films. Some see the article as tearing down Lee, but I saw a lot of respect underneath the smart-a** questions, questions that say "I like your movies, but couldn't they be better if you do [fill in the blank]?" Of course, he does end the article with a note written since the article was published, saying that he would think that, after Lee heckled Reggie Miller of the Indiana Pacers in a playoff game, inspiring him to 50+ points and the win, that the New York Knicks would have "kicked his scrawny a**. No such luck." But again, I think that's his good-natured cynicism. There are plenty of other hilarious articles in this wonderful book, and only a couple of clunkers. Some of the great articles are: the first

Confessions of a Cineplex Heckler is a collection of previously released essays by Joe Queenan. They are all in the typical Queenan fashion of mean spirited humor that Mr. Queenan has perfected. You will find yourself laughing out loud at his skewering of the self-important film industry. His essay on Irish films and their Blarney quotient is absolutely brilliant.

So many nasty reviews about this book have missed one point entirely. Is Joe Queenan funny? Yes. Is Joe Queenan mean and cynical? Of course. Does Joe Queenan have a right to be? Well, have you seen the dreck that Hollywood releases every Friday? Of course Joe Queenan is going to be mean and cynical, especially when we could pay off the nation debt if we took all of our movie going and video renting money and sent it to the government instead of waiting in line to rent "Bring It On" or catch the matinee showing of "Dude, Where's My Car?" I wholeheartedly support Queenan's endeavours, and pray to God Jason Biggs and Freddie Prinze, Jr. will retire from acting. Write on, Joe.

You could make a pretty strong case that Joe Queenan is one of the funniest people around (the good folks at the Simpsons would, in my mind, be his stiffest competition). You could also argue that Queenan is the meanest man in the world, although Indiana basketball coach Bobby Knight seems to have a stranglehold on the title (no pun intended). But without a doubt Queenan is the funniest mean man on the planet, or the meanest funny man, take your pick. His humor isn't based on a quirky take on modern society or on expletive-laden tirades against foreign convienience store workers. No, Queenan focuses his hilarious malevolence on those people who stare down at us from the covers of People and Vanity Fair, the famous actors and singers and writers and other entertainment types we all supposedly revere. The reviews and essays aren't just lazy hack jobs done from the confort of his couch. Queenan's great service to the public is through his exhaustive research of such esoteric topics as Bad Nun Movies and Blarniful Irish Films. He exposes himself to ludicrous risks to shine the light of truth and dispell the darkness that Hollywood casts. He takes a dip in the Atlantic to prove that Leonardo DiCaprio wouldn't have been so chatty bobbing around in the drink at the end of "Titanic". He volunteers to watch the entire Merchant-Ivory catalogue. In the title essay he assumes the role of the jerk at the back of the theater who shouts insults at the screen, ruining "El Mariachi" and "Alive" for the other moviegoers, any of whom could be a hulking Vincent Spano fan prepared to cave in Queenan's skull. It is amazing, as you read Queenan's malevolent reviews, what total crap Hollywood regularly excretes and expects us to revere as art. He exposes many movies as stupid, insulting, moronic, self-serving, or just plain awful. That his reviews are also hilarious is just a nice added bonus.

This book is a well-needed, tongue and cheek, throw at Hollywood,Backseat directors and reality impaired people. Amen. If you have a genuine sense of humor and you love to laugh at yourself ( and others )this is a quick fun read.