Compelled to Control (Revised)

I loved this book, although it was extremely tough to admit that I may have anything in common with addicts, since I am the closest thing to a teetotaler there is. It was through this book I learned what I think is the key to most Western psychological problems. I have subsequently written about my personal discoveries on my website. Yes, I read many other reviews complaining about the fact that it's written in 12 Step Language, and at first I felt this was a challenge too. I have since come to believe that Western culture in general and U.S. 'culture' specifically suffer from an absolute epidemic of Control Disease. It's also made me realize that I would not have been able to create intimacy in my life without understanding my own controlling behaviors. This understanding has led me to be able to assist my lifecoaching clients more fully. Much appreciation to J. Keith Miller for writing this book.

This is one of the best books that I have ever read - period. It changed my life. It's on my list of "Top 10" near the top. If you're convinced that you're NOT a control freak then you really, really, really need to read this book. If you really aren't, no harm done and you'll be empowered to counter and help the control freaks in your life. If you are and know it, you will have a new, better life if you will gain and apply the wisdom contained here. Other books that you might consider in this vein: Boundaries Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't The Control Freak Love the Life You Live: Three Secrets to Feeling Good Deep Down in Your Soul (Unabridged) A Hunger for Healing: The Twelve Steps as a Classic Model for Christian Spiritual Growth Toxic Faith Nine Things You Simply Must Do: To Succeed in Love and Life Changes That Heal: How to Understand the Past to Ensure a Healthier Future Loving People: How to Love and Be Loved Hiding from Love Workbook

Keith Miller became significant in my young adulthood when I encountered his book "A Taste of New Wine." My main recollection thirty years later is that I appreciated his willingness to talk about ideas that were pressing but neglected in my religious upbringing. His voice or tone or writing was comfortingly familiar even though his courage and insight were exceptional. In the intervening years I qualified myself to be a participant in a 12-step recovery program. I'd not followed Miller's career, so was surprised when my sponsor recommended his later book, "Compelled to Control." In this book he generalizes from his own experience in 12-step recovery programs. As before, I liked his way of writing and his willingness to talk about matters that are mostly ignored in my community of faith. I was less than half way through "Compelled" before I was online to buy his earlier "A Hunger for Healing" and "Facing Codependence" which he co-authored with Pia Melody and his wife, Andrea Wells Miller. These books will be useful to anyone struggling with an underlying spiritual malady that expresses itself in addiction, compulsive behaviors, a need to control everything and everyone, or a idolatrous usurpation of the place of God. Those familiar with the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous will recall the fourth chapter titled "We Agnostics." I've often wished the book included a chapter titled "We Believers." Miller has satisfied my wish. His books are for people of faith like me who, contrary to our expectations, have experiences that bring us into 12-step recovery programs. But there's more. Those who have studied the history of Alcoholics Anonymous will also recall the temptation the founders faced in the early days to expand the scope of their mission to apply the program of recovery far beyond the realm of alcoholism and chemical dependency. They could envision their ideas being the impetus for a general, worldwide spiritual awakening. With great discipline, the organization's leaders reaffirmed their commitment to a single purpose, achieving sobriety and helping others do the same. Miller is not so constrained. He takes up where the AA founders stopped. He endorses the 12-step program as a general spiritual discipline that is almost unique in it's suitability for modern people living in a secular world. In the way that he is uniquely gifted, he describes for all of us, not just the chemically dependent, how to put spiritual principles into concrete practice. Miller earned his credentials to write with authority in this realm in the worst possible way, as he generously discloses in his books. "Compelled to Control" is a call to return to reality for all of us who have wandered off. The book has become an important tool in my own work of spiritual awakening.

As a therapist I have recommended this book to many clients and friends. It helps to bring an understanding to a personality feature which can be perplexing and difficult to change. As far as the "God" references mentioned by one reviewer, it is used in the context similar to many recovery books. This book would be appropriate for someone in a 12 step program or someone pursuing personal growth and relationship improvement.

This book is fabulous for anyone dealing with any kind of co-dependence issues, self-esteem issues and just issues with the way you were raised by your parents in general. It is not a blaming book for the past, but a real planning book for the future. It absolutely changed my whole attitude about life, love and how to deal with both of them. I can't wait to read more books by Mr. Miller and his wife.