Committed: A Love Story

People who were hoping for another round of EPL, well, go back and read EPL again. (I did. In fact I think there could be a lively book club of people who have read that book twice.) Committed is a lovely look at the natural history of marriage (if you like Diane Ackerman, you'll enjoy this book). And it's a perfect and appropriate approach to telling the story of the next phase of her new life. Sure, I'd love to know more about her relationship with "Felipe," but that would be just prurient nosiness. And we really don't need to hear more about her calling out her own name, do we? Committed makes me very happy I'm single. Not because I'm against marriage. I'm not even a marriage skeptic. But I'm a marriage independent. And now I have good reasons why. And maybe one day I'll be peacefully independent within a marriage. But if not, that's okay too.

Reading Liz Gilbert (yes, I am now on a first name basis with her, ha ha; at least I feel like it) is like savoring a long letter from your smartest, coolest girlfriend. Committed is a departure from her previous book (and she's written several other successful books, which allowed her to make the adventure-filled and healing voyages she wrote about in Eat Pray Love). People generally have strong feelings about Eat Pray Love - they love it or they really don't love it. I first spotted a recommendation for it in Philadelphia Magazine and was later given a copy by a friend who thought I could use it at the time. Boy, was she right. If you can't relate to Liz's struggles and triumphs, you have probably not ever been divorced. Liz is now fully recovered from her divorce, well, she would say, as recovered as you can be, though it took years. Committed is part sociology and part-autobiography, an explanation of how she ended up married again after swearing off matrimony forever, as did her new partner. She deals with setbacks not only by traveling but by researching - in this case, a good sifting of marriage customs throughout history. The parts about the women in her family are fascinating examples of what women in different generations have had to deal with as feminism blossomed in the twentieth century. If you have not read Stephanie Coontz's book Marriage: A History (which I keep meaning to), you will find this an eye-opening challenge to common beliefs about marriage, and you will learn how many of them evolved, when the church became involved in marriage, and what amazingly tolerant customs exist in other countries, such as Iran. Some interesting tidbits: As soon as people stop marrying for pragmatic reasons (such as family mergers, economics, and community pressures) and start marrying for love, divorce rates soar. Second marriages are not statistically doomed after all. A Rutgers study listing the seven features enduring marriages have in common will have you taking inventory of your current and past relationships. Surprisingly, one element that does not improve a marriage is having children at home -- the study found that higher-satisfaction marriages involve children who are grown or no children. Another survey noted that the quality young women most want in a husband is his ability to "inspire" them, whereas the wished-for qualities in the 1920s were more commonly "decency" or the ability to provide. And have you heard about the Marriage Benefit Imbalance? It's not good news for women, since marriage statistically puts them behind in terms of health, wealth, happiness, risk for violence, and life expectancy, while doing just the opposite for men. So why do so many women want it so much? The author attempts to answer this too. Thank you, Liz, for pointing out the common sense reasons for legalizing gay marriage. That only made me like her more. I enjoyed the unusual format of non-fiction mixed with personal stor

"Committed" is a natural sequel to EPL. Elizabeth Gilbert's EPL is her path to recovery from divorce. Most folks who have been divorced are highly reluctant to trot down the aisle again. . .will we be more successful this time? Gilbert and "Felipe" were broke and broken at the end of their first marriages. They were gun-shy until the INS got out the shotgun. The book is equal part examination of how the US government can create havoc in people's most intimate relationships as it is an examination of what it takes to have an enduring marriage and to experience unconditional love and true intimacy. If you are looking for a starry-eyed romantic look at love, this isn't the book for you. But, if you are serious about creating an enduring, mature, loving, intimate relationship, this book will give you much to ponder and discuss with the love of your life. It would be an excellent gift for any engaged couple.

I loved this book. I admit that as an Australian who recently married an American after a whirlwind long-distance courtship that ranged from Papua New Guinea to Kenya, Committed gave me a lot to recognize and not a few things to laugh at. However, I don't think you have to be a globetrotting reckless romantic (or, on the other hand, someone deeply wary of marriage) to enjoy this book, and to learn from it. The story is cleverly structured by the necessity of a government-mandated "shotgun wedding". The reflections on the history and meaning of marriage and committed relationships are inherently interesting. I appreciated the lens she turned upon her own life, and I think Gilbert is at her best when she's sharing reactions and interactions that spring from her closest relationships. I was left wanting more, of everything. (Lisa McKay, author of My Hands Came Away Red).

Embarking on writing a major work after the spectacular Eat, Pray, Love, must have been no easy feat. However, undaunted and honest as ever, Elizabeth Gilbert provides an eye-opening and thorough account of the colossal entity we call marriage. We have all grown up accepting marriage as a given. It seems to be taken as common place that people simply grow up and get married- and then (of course) live happily ever after. Or is it that easy? Not so fast, Gilbert warns us. Do we completely know what we are getting into? What happens to us as independent beings when we marry? What makes a marriage more likely to succeed, and what makes it more likely to fail? What are the economic, social, and legal ties that bind us and do we even understand the significance of them? How are we able to somehow throw love in the mix as well? Extremely timely and pertinent questions with serious implications. Some of the most interesting and thought provoking aspects of the book- a glimpse into the lives of the Hmong women in Asia (who view marriage not as a solution to all of life's problems and seem to have no qualms whatsoever about this), how marriage was viewed by different religions throughout the centuries- not always so 'sacred', and the way marriage has been used to secure money, power, and property throughout history. Quite simply, Gilbert explains this institution has been pulled, prodded, and changed for centuries- yet still it remains. There is something, then that draws us still to marry. Gilbert (thrown rather harshy into marriage by the US government) walks away with a brokered peace with marriage and a deeper understanding of what it means to be married- as she embarks on her own marriage. The reader has a deeper understanding as well. As a final note, what is more important if not the subject of who we spend our lives with? Who we share our faith, time, children, money, and precious moments with? As a new mother who married five years ago at the age of 24 (I know this puts me into the danger zone :), this book has given me fuller understanding of what it means to be married and coming to respect my own marriage as an imperfect, changing, and totally lovable creature- much like my own baby son. (Quite simply, the white gown and endless talks about the church and reception hall didn't really matter- the chats we had about faith, child-rearing, navigating our political differences, and in-laws definitely mattered.) It has once been said that 'The unexamined life is not worth living.' Gilbert's book suggests that perhaps an unexamined marriage is not worth having- and I'd agree.