Coming Apart: Why Relationships End and How to Live Through the Ending of Yours

I think each new relationship would benefit so much if all parties were to read this before going IN! Kingma challenges us to look at the myth that relationships "should last forever" --and consequently why our self-esteem takes such a beating when they actually don't! (Surprise!) Her basic premise is that relationships are a series of processes by which we complete developmental tasks in our life journey of self-discovery/creation. Case studies illustrate how this plays out in the various ways.From reading this book, I gained much comfort and understanding about my present-coming-apart-relationship. Although I initiated it, I was feeling much pain. The clarity that I gained--about why we choose the partners we do--helped to stop the angst. Such gems of simple yet profound wisdom: "Love...does not conquer all. Real love, enduring love...is the quiet recognition and ongoing appreciation of another person, the experience of continually sharing what is important to you."The chapters on pampering yourself, and the rituals for completion are absolutely valuable! I feel heartened and strengthened by her words in the chapter "Is there Love After Love?": "Eventually we all get to the place where--except for fine-tunings and refinements-we have learned pretty much who we are. We have sorted out our preferences from the vast number of possibilities we all have as human beings, and we know what we want to spend our lives doing..." "...You will love and have a happy life with the person whose looks, nature, habits, preferences, values and priorities call forth the truest expression of yourself, the person who invites you to blossom and grow."This book is kind of a condensed version of the "Future of Love" which I also highly recommend. (I bought several copies of each of these to share with friends.)

This book will not make the pain go away. But, it will give you a perspective you'd be hard-pressed to find anywhere else. When I was suffering from a broken heart, I read a ton of books about relationships and feeling better. This is the only book that came close to making me heal. "Coming Apart" will truly help you understand what goes wrong with relationships. And, by explaining the simple fact that relationships, like anything else, do have a lifespan, this book helps immensely. What a relief it was when I could stop wondering what was wrong with me that made my spouse leave? Now I know, this happens to relationships. Like I said, it won't cure your broken heart, but it will give you the insight you need and the wisdom that no other book will.

This book accomplishes 2 very important tasks. The first of these is to present a very plausible case for the reason why people enter into relationships in the first place. The second is to present people with the much needed objective data regarding the separation and termination of relationdships. This book is NOT ONLY for someone in the middle of a break-up, but also for anyone in a relationship or anyone that wants to have a relationship. It is a quick and easy read, with clear and convincing perspectives on all relationships whether they are a success or a failure. I encourage all of you to buy this book, read it, and pass it on to the next person in your life that needs understanding.

Lots of books on divorce tell you the hows and whys of a divorce. This is a book for those still considering a divorce. The "Diagnostic" chapter is worth the price alone. It is well written, concise, and clearly articulates the thoughts.I read it a dozen times prior to my divorce. I also have given it to friends.

I have given this book to at least 20 friends over the years that were either considering divorce or seperation. . .it was the catalyst to their clarity at a crucial time, which helped each friend to make the "right decision" for themselves.