Co-Dependence

In a hundred pages Scaef does something truly remarkable. She confronts the self-serving and dangerous side of co-dependency yet maintains a nonjudgmental perspective. Many, many books, of course, discuss the dangers co-dependents present to themselves. This one goes beyond to look at the less comfortable topics of co-dependents' tendency toward manipulation, promotion of disease in others, martyrdom, dishonesty, and pathological self-centeredness. As a professional who grew up in a seriously alcoholic home, I wish that I had read this book years ago to see the pay-off I was getting from organizing my life around the pretense that I was other people's answers. But despite the harsh realities Schaef points out (and simply and compellingly demonstrates), I was left with a sense that I was not being shamed or judged and that I had the freedom to do better. This book takes more character to digest than most books on the subject, and I suspect that its writing took manifestly more character than one assisting people to continue seeing themselves as victims. I recommend it without qualification.

Schaef has written many books on the subject of addictive behavior, and I've read most of them. This one puts forth her basic philosophy (which is that dysfunctional, addictive behaviors are part & parcel of our culture) in a slender volume that's easy to pick up & reread. Especially interesting is her theory that co-dependence is encouraged in our schools and churches. She presents her case with lots of examples, and with the kind of passion it would be easy for the unconvinced to laugh at, but I personally think she speaks a truth that many people might find uncomfortable to face.