Captains Outrageous

If you like a good story well told and you're not reading this guy, shame on you. This is the sixth and latest in the Hap Collins and Leonard Pine series, and it's just as worthy as all the others. I don't usually enjoy continuing characters in books, but I consider these two old friends. I don't know why, but I've always pictured Stir Crazy era Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor in the roles. I always wind up feeling wistful and sad at the end of each of the Hap and Leonard books, a similar feeling washes over me at the conclusion of the Shawshank Redemption. Just a sucker for the redemptive power of male friendship I suppose. Lansdale is a master of the gut-busting one-liner and raunchy metaphor, his writing is wonderfully free of pretension, but almost every page sports at least one sublime bit of description. The least interesting things about his books are the action scenes. And that's the highest compliment. Also check out "A Fine Dark Line" and "The Bottoms", set in 50s and 30s-era East Texas respectively, for powerfully moving doses of nostalgia and mystery mercifully free from the treacle that gums up other authors when they write about a time and place dear to their heart.

What does the "R." in Joe R. Lansdale stand for? I've been reading this phenomenal East Texas writer for almost fifteen years now, and I still don't know. I suppose I could click the mouse a few times and get right back to you with the real answer, the right answer. But where's the fun in that? Isn't it better to imagine than it is to know? Back when I was a kid, when only dead flies were on the web, you didn't have any choice but to imagine. So here goes...After reading Joe R. Lansdale's sixth Hap `n' Leonard novel, "Captains Outrageous," I'd guess the R. might stand for refreshingly-readable (sounds like something made by the Keebler elves). Then again, it could just as easily stand for rip-roarin'ly-raunchy or rhapsodically-R-rated. What I'm getting at is that reading a Joe R. Lansdale novel is like going river-rafting through the rapids or roller-skating on the roof. You're in for a wild ride whenever you pick up a Lansdale book, so you better make sure your seatbelt is good and fastened."Captains Outrageous" is maybe the wildest-plotted yet of the six novels comprising Lansdale's East Texas series starring Hap Collins and Leonard Pine. Hap and Leonard are two well-meaning ne'er-do-wells living in the small East Texas town of LaBorde. Hap is white and straight, Leonard black and gay, but they're the fastest of friends-brothers without the burden of family. And yet, for some reason, whenever they get together, trouble is never far behind.This time out, Hap seems to have some good luck shine on him for once. While leaving his job as a security guard at a chicken plant one night, the martial-arts-savvy Hap successfully interrupts a rape/murder-in-progress. The would-be victim's father is well-to-do and insists on Hap accepting a ... reward for his chivalry.With some money in the bank, eager for some time away from the chickens, Hap decides to take a vacation. And who better to ask along than his best friend Leonard? Hap's good luck begins to sour somewhere around the time he and Leonard get on the bad side of their budget cruise ship's buffet bouncer. They soon find themselves stranded somewhere in Mexico with no way to get home. Things get considerably more complicated after they're nearly murdered and then rescued by a machete-wielding fisherman and his bad news femme-fatale daughter. Hap `n' Leonard then get themselves embroiled in the dealings of a dangerous Mexican mobster who also happens to be a staunch nudist.The wildness of plot and fierceness of humor that have become hallmarks of Lansdale's writing are out in full force in Captains Outrageous. Equally prevalent are the attention to character and richness of voice that keep Lansdale's books a few notches up from being merely entertaining (not that that's the worst of crimes).Lansdale has always reminded me something of Mark Twain. Throw in bits and pieces of an old "Love Boat," some Hemingway à la "Old Man and the Sea," and you have an idea of what to expect from "Captai

In CAPTAINS OUTRAGEOUS-the newest in the "Hap Collins/Leonard Pine" series-Joe R. Lansdale once again proves that he has no equal in the field of writing in the great state of Texas. He is to Texas what Stephen King is to Maine. Both authors have a particular style of writing that appeals to the "everyman" in its simplicity, yet forceful and soul-searching deliverance. If Mysterious Press/Warner Books put more money into promoting Mr. Lansdale's novels here in the United States, they would definitely have a New York Times best selling author on their hands. As it is, the world still hasn't discovered what a major storyteller and master craftsman this East Texas writer really is. In this novel, the hilarious, dysfunctional, butt-kicking duo of Hap and Leonard return for another outing of outrageous bantering, not to mention going the distance to help those who are in trouble. Hap and Leonard (think Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson) are now security guards in a chicken processing plant. One night after work, while walking to his truck, Hap hears a desperate cry for help. He sees a man stomping the living daylights out a girl near the trees that border the plant and quickly goes to her rescue. Jumping a chain-link fence like an avenging angel, Hap charges the guy and swiftly finds himself in a fight to the death, using everything he's been taught in the martial arts to put this psycho down. After Hap saves the life of the young girl, her father (he happens to be the owner of the chicken plant) rewards him with the gift of a hundred thousand dollars. Accepting the money against his better judgment, Hap decides to take a vacation with his buddy, Leonard. They sign on for a cheap cruise down to Mexico and the Caribbean. As usual, Leonard's mouth gets them into trouble on the boat, and they eventually find themselves stranded in a place called Playa Del Carmen. When a group of muggers from a bordering town attack our two heroes with knives and a machete, wounding Leonard in the process, an old fisherman comes to their rescue. The fisherman and his daughter, Beatrice, allow Hap and Leonard to recuperate at their home. While Leonard is recovering from his knife wound, the fisherman's daughter uses sex to lure Hap into helping her scam a local mobster. Things, however, don't go quite the way Beatrice expects. Her actions lead to death on a major scale, and it follows Hap and Leonard back to Texas in the form of a giant killer named Hammerhead, who likes to skin people alive and then cut their hands and feet off. A close friend of the duo will be murdered because of what happened in Mexico. From that point on the name of the game is revenge for our boys. Hap and Leonard, with the help of Jim Bob Luke, will return to Mexico to take out the mobster and his henchman. A lot of people are going to die before the ending of this novel is reached; and, if Hap has his way, he's going to be the one doing the killing! CAPTAINS OUTRAGEOUS had

The rest of the reviews tell the story of this excellent book.What I want to point out is how very ANNOYED I'm getting at one particular reviewer's habit of promoting himself and his own attempt at writing by 'reviewing' over 300 books in half as many days, and starting each review with "As a mystery writer with my debut novel in its initial release..." or something equally stupid.If you see it, just press the 'NO' button.

Yeah right!Another fantastic, can't put down tale from the master, Joe R. Lansdale. Brothers to the end, Hap and Leonard go on a vacation and ponder advancing age, life and love. Being Hap and Leonard you know that mayhem will have to follow. All the favorites are back for this one; Charlie, Hanson, Jim Bob Luke, Brett and even Bob the armadillo, and the mix is explosive, hilarious and so uniquely Lansdale.You gotta read this book!