Buyers, Renters & Freeloaders: Turning Revolving-Door Romance Into Lasting Love

Provides a great analogy to study romance and to understand why some relationships last and others are, well, hopeless and not worth pursuing. While reading, I was genuinely intrigued by my own review of past relationships and found myself analyzing each with a fresh perspective. In recent years, I've alternately played the 'buyer' the 'renter' and the 'freeloader.' Had I read this book I might've been a bit more savvy on where each relationship was headed or how I might possibly salvage it. Extremely interesting is the Electric Fence Personality (EFP) type and the whacked out behaviors afflicting such people. I had the miserable experience of dating an EFP, but at the time I couldn't understand the person's behavior. I now realize that EFPs are severely challenged and present a low probability for long-term success as a partner for someone like myself. Had I studied this book beforehand, I could've dumped the woman and moved on with my life. I'm currently in a buyer-renter relationship, and because I've read this book, I understand that I must evaluate whether I can also become a buyer or perhaps end the relationship entirely. These types of insights are enough to make the book well worth the price. Highly recommend this title for its originality, succinct writing, brevity, and applicability. Can't go wrong.

The book's title refers to the three basic approaches people take toward relationships. The author explains the three approaches, and how they interact, and which one works for a solid, lifelong commitment. What he says rings true to me, and it's backed up by the author's own experience as a marriage counselor and as a married man himself. Along the way, Harley also provides soem other useful insights, including a list of personal characteristics that should match in order for a couple to be compatible; why sacrificing your own happiness for each other's benefit is NOT a good strategy for a long-term relationship; how we all have an inner Giver and a Taker; a description of what he calls the Electric Fence Personality, why it makes relationships particularly difficult, and what can be done; and a compelling explanation of why marriages are much more likely to fail when couples live together beforehand. Anyone contemplating marriage (or for that matter, anyone NOT contemplating marriage because they're afraid it wouldn't work out) would profit from reading this book.

Anyone with baggage, emotional and/or (romantic) relationship conflict should read this book. I would go so far as to say that it should be a prerequisite for dating in general. It frees daters to return to an old fashioned method of courting. It teaches the fundamentals of building relationships while encouraging the reader to do internal inventories, making its readers more emotionally healthy partners!

This is the one. Of all the books I've read, this one was so simple -- not simplistic, but simple. It makes total sense. Mr. Harley lays out a method that basically guarantees successful relationships. Being happy with every decision is built into the plan. Happiness is the bottom line. After being a "renter" for a very long time, I am now a "buyer." And the arguments with my spouse have now turned into discussions where we negotiate how BOTH of us will be happy, not grudgingly compliant, but really happy, with each outcome. Buy it & pass it on. This one should be on Oprah.

the title of this book caught my attention. reading it has helped me understand my relationships in the past better and i think it'll help me avoid the cycles that haven't proven wise. the examples of what happens when people with different values/beliefs about caring for one another was particularly beneficial. if you're trying to understand your relationship better and make sense of the other persons behavior this is a good read. it might not be what you want to hear (you might be involved with a freeloader) but at least you know the real deal.