Breathers: A Zombie's Lament

"If you've never been staked down on the side of a hill and left out to rot at a research facility for human decay, then you probably wouldn't understand." "If you've never seen someone get his arm torn out of his socket by a gang of drunk college frat boys who slapped in the face with his own hand, then you probably wouldn't understand" These are just a few quotes from "Breathers, a zombies lament" by S.G. Browne. It is beyond hilarious. It's a world where zombies have been around since before the depression area and Breathers, their name for the living, having been pelting them with food products and using them for such things as crash test dummies since then. One of the funniest aspects of the books is that animal control is responsible for taking them in. They get put in cages like dogs and if they aren't 'claimed' after 72 hours it's off to a research facility or body farm or worse. Highly entertaining and funny!

Andy Warner was out for a drive with his wife, got in an accident and they died. Andy's wife stayed dead, Andy did not. He wakes, doesn't know where he is. He wanders the streets. He can't talk, because his mouth has been sewn shut, from the inside. He can't walk very well, because one of his feet juts out at an odd angle. He doesn't feel like his old self. Somebody pelts him with a tomato. He finds a phone, tries to call 911, but Animal Control picks him up and he's caged. For he is a Zombie now. And Zombies have no rights. However, as this rich and humorous story progresses, he's going to agitate for Zombie rights. He's going to fall in Zombie love and he's going to do unspeakable things and if, like me, you like a good read, you're going to love this insanely original story. A Zombie romance, who woulda thunk it. It's awfully doggone good. Reviewed by Stephanie Sane

Breathers was written to be read. Its smooth writing style allows it to be read at a fairly fast pace, and even if you have interruptions its easy to pick back up and get immersed right back into it. A trait which makes it excellent as a dark stormy night read, or a day on the beach read, even a waiting room or travel read, or just a watching the kids at the park read. The tale is so involving and the characters so engaging, I didn't want it to end. It had all the points a great book should, love, action, tear jerking moments and missing limbs. Go ahead and check this book out, you'll eat it right up. Yum!

S. G. Browne is my new favorite author. I don't know what it is, exactly, but I can always tell when a novel is going to be special. That point of realization is different in every novel I read, but this one came very early on. As soon as the book arrived at my house, thanks to a grumbly delivery man, I opened up to a random page, just to get a taste of the language. A phrase jumped out at me right away. That phrase was "five to eight bowls of Cocoa Puffs." I had no idea what the context was, but I didn't care. I knew I had picked up something odd, quirky, and well-written just from that one phrase. Call it intuition, call it me being wacky, but I wasn't wrong. "Breathers" is, without a doubt, one of the best books I've ever read. And you should see my collection. The best way I can describe the novel is this. It's a rom-zom-com (romantic zombie comedy). Yeah, it's sort of like Shaun of the Dead, but through the eyes of the zombie. Only this time around, the zombies aren't brainless, brain-crazing fiends. They're sympathetic creatures who ARE still people, no matter what society thinks. If I were to pitch it to a movie studio, those execs ever fond of comparisons, I'd say it was Shaun of the Dead as a civil rights piece as written by Joss Whedon... with the confidence of Stephen King. But when it comes down to it, there's really no use trying to describe the novel or S. G. Browne's writing style. All I can say is that his ability to write clear, engaging prose is second only to his ability to switch from high comedy to tragedy without missing a beat. I have no doubt that one day, most likely very soon, he'll be as much of a household name as the aforementioned Whedon and King. I loved the writing, I loved the characters, I laughed, I cried. I'll certainly be reading the book many times over. Everyone who has ever laughed at something they felt they shouldn't be laughing at, everyone who likes things that are the opposite of suck, and anyone who has ever been amazed by how great a novel can be should pick up "Breathers" by S. G. Browne. 10/10 Classic.