Women Married to Men in Ministry: Breaking the Sound Barrier Together

Main Idea of the Text: The book deals with the emotional stress of a woman in ministry during systemic change in a congregation. The manner that women deal with congregational change is different than the way a man will deal with transition. The Three Top Ideas of Greatest Benefit: One of the most relevant ideas was from dealing with expectations early into a new pastorate. Every minister walks into a church blinded by some of the unspoken expectations. Some of the expectations will be the same from congregation to congregation, but there will always be some new expectations from the different congregation. The book notes that after six to eight months the minister to have a meeting to clarify any unmet expectations or concerns. Instead of allowing the needs to be felt but not addressed, this mentions the need to air the concerns so that they will be addressed in a mature fashion. Often a minister's wife is "overextended and completely exhausted. This is definitely the case of the wife is working outside of the home. From my experience, a young minister's wife will teach all week in the school system but will be expected to travel with her husband to the weekend youth rally. The husband can have a day off, but the wife never has time to herself. She is expected all mostly all of the congregation's events. A wife must learn "no" and a congregation must respect that "no." During systemic change, there is a process of falling dominos. A woman's role is primary one of a caregiver, but when the husband is leading change this is a process of causing people to be uncomfortable with the present reality. He must inflict some pain in the system for it to change. A woman who sees herself as someone who helps with pain would be confused over her role as a supporter of the pain agent. The Three Ideas of Major disagreement: One of the ideas of disagreement is over the level of involvement of a woman in ministry. It always seems best for the wife to stay out of most of the congregation's affairs. She is too defenseless and too connected to take on too much ownership within the congregation. It is often best that the wife is left out of some of the difficult situations in the church. This book seems to want the wife to be too active. The idea of co-ministering couples is an oxymoron. No matter of the wife is employed or not by the congregation the couple is co-ministering. It would seem best in my opinion for couples not to be employed by the church together. There is just too much stress and tension in ministry and if a couple is working together this is just going to be compounded. Really, I feel the book provides too much focus on the wife. A remember one lady stating that she was marrying into the ministry and she was excited about being "the first lady of the congregation." It is best to state out of the picture and try to blend into the congregation not operate with the preacher's wife mindset. The Recommendation of the Book: I would recommend th