Boundaries in Marriage

No words.

I loved this book! I wish I had read it 20 years ago. Everyone should read this book before they get into a serious relationship. It should be required reading for high-school seniors. I also recommend: -10 Lifesaving Principles for Women in Difficult Marriages by Karla Downing -Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft -The Verbally abusive relationship By Patricia Evans -Not to People Like Us By Susan Weitzman -The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner -Codependent No More by Melody Beattie - Love Honor and Negotiate by Betty Carter

This was the first book by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend that I have read. Therefore, I can neither confirm nor deny another reviewer's statement that it is essentially a rehash of the original Boundaries book. Having not read any of the other Boundaries books yet, I found this one to be quite excellent. Whether or not you are a believer in Christ, this book can still be incredibly helpful if you're willing to read it with an open mind. It may even be helpful if you have a closed mind and you don't even want it to be helpful. ;) The strength in it is that it is not a "How To" book. The authors realized that lists of surface actions to change don't change the heart. They focus on pointing out principles and revealing truth. They give plenty of examples and paint pictures of how certain actions make others feel. This helps you see beyond yourself, thus allowing you to interact with your spouse with greater grace and mercy. The changes in your actions are the result rather than the solution. Another thing I really like about this book is that it explains what submission and sacrifice in marriage really look like in the Bible and not in what the world believes that to look like. It explains that submission is always to be done in love and with the perspective of EVERYTHING that God has taught us through His Word. This means that submission and sacrifice do not mean giving up all your desires and doing everything your spouse tells you to do; it means upholding your responsibility to love your spouse no matter what (ie. loving them enough to help support the end of unhealthy behaviors and actions). Truly love your spouse as the Bible commands, will require you to say, "No," some times, it will require you to actively participate by voicing your own feelings and taking ownership for them, and it may even call for you to create a boundary of space by removing yourself if your spouse is being abusive. I have found this book to be very helpful for relationships outside of marriage as well (friendships, work hierarchys, family, etc). The book begins by clarifying what a boundary really is (a means to help us determine "...where someone's control begins and ends" pg 24) and what it is not (a means to control someone else). It then continues to dislodge general society's definition of boundaries you may have in mind by explaining why and how boundaries and freedom are not mutually exclusive. Part 1 continues with a discussion of truths (laws) about marriage and people in general to be taken into account when one is setting boundaries and trying to respect another's boundaries. Part 2 discusses 'oneness' and 'twoness', and it also addresses values. I believe the reviewer who had issues with this book being focused on twoness misunderstood this section. The authors are just pointing out that you weren't always one together so you have to understand that it takes work for two to become one. In fact, their first real statement in this sect

My therapist recommended this book to me and it made a world of difference in my life. I was close to packing up and leaving. I read it from cover to cover and it put a lot of things into perspective. Then my husband picked it up. All of a sudden he was able to see life through my eyes and understood that being a breadwinner in the family was not his only role in the family. Although he was not cheating on me physically, he was cheating on me emotionally. We were able to stop hating each other for who we are not and loving each other for who we are. I am no longer looking for a way out. I am looking for ways to make us tronger.

This is an incredible book. It mirrors basic biblical principles and applies them to marriage. The whole time I was reading the book, I was thinking "This is so simple, but so profound". The book stresses Biblical "boundaries" for behavior between husband and wife. It encourages individuals to look at their own actions in a marriage and concentrate on improving their weaknesses. This could be uncomfortable for those who are unwilling to face the truth about themselves or take responsibility for their own faults. But if you are looking to read something that could greatly improve your marriage and your attitude towards relationships in general, this is the book to read.

I believe this book is an excellent gift to give as an engagement present or shower gift, but it needn't stop there. I have been married for over 35 years and there are practicals in the book which I never learned to use or stand up to. It is never too late to learn and knowledge based on Biblical principals is hard to deny. I wish I had the book thirty-six years ago.

This was a very good book. It helps you to concentrate on your errors and what you actually have control over. It helps you keep focused on what you can change about the relationship and not how you can change someone else.