Boiling Point: Understanding Men and Anger

Many men are burdened with anger and fear, and harm themselves and others as a result. Even professing Christians lash out at their loved ones, or hold their rage inside until they suffer a physical or mental breakdown. Why are men this way? What can the women who love them do to help? "Boiling Point" provides answers to these questions. It's a Christian book, but non-believers will benefit from its insights and principles, which are applicable to men regardless of their beliefs. This review's titular quote from Catholic priest Ted Dobson is used by Arterburn and Stoop to describe the damage done to men by the lack of a father figure. According to the authors, due to an absent or passive father boys often grow up without proper instruction on how to be a mature man. Without that key role model, they fail to internalize male attributes during their formative years. These boys grow up to be men who suffer from an emotional deficit that they will try to fill with possessions, achievement, and power. But nothing can quell their sense of loss and inadequacy. Therefore, they continue to stew in a perpetual state of anger and fear. Add external pressures from work and family, and men are, well, at the boiling point. At this stage, anything can cause a meltdown. Jobs are lost because of screaming matches with the boss, and relationships are destroyed by attempts to medicate with secret addictions to sex or narcotics. Is there a way for males to deal with their issues and become the men they want to be? The past can't be changed, but there's still hope in the present. "Boiling Point" was written for women who are married to an angry, fearful man. That's because wives are usually the victims of their husband's issues, whether emotionally or physically. However, a man's wife is also his best hope for healing. To this end, the authors use examples from men's lives to show women how to recognize the warning signs in her loved one. Helpful tools are provided that will help her grasp the situation and lovingly encourage him towards wholeness. For example, each chapter concludes with a section called "Think About It; Talk About It with Him," which contains various types of questions geared towards this goal. The authors admit that the positive conversational examples are best-case scenarios, so it will usually take time and patient effort to see good results. Of course, he must ultimately desire to heal and change as well. Men shouldn't be put off by the book's focus towards a woman reader. Like Secret deodorant, "Boiling Point" is strong enough for a man, even though it's made for a woman. The authors caution men to avoid the trap of isolation, and exhort them to seek help from trained counselors and other men who can bear their burdens. I saw myself in some of the stories, and the root causes of my anger and fear (along with my inferior responses) were clarified. I was encouraged along the path of dealing with my past hurts and pres