Being with Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death

A friend of mine who is dying of cancer suggested I read this book because it had helped her deal with her prognosis. It helped relieve the rage I felt, especially because I have three other friends with cancer. It gave me a sense of peace and the ability to open myself to their needs and the inevitable. A must have as a reference to help one cope with dying friends.

I have scanned the market of books about caretakers and the dying process, and to me this is the finest book available on the subject. It is cut-to-the-bone view of dying with many personal case stories. The book is in my view not so well-structured. It is divided in sections, but these overlap, and it seems more like a long association about dying, care-taking and the death process. Sometimes the subject in focus is elaborated and sometimes there is a lot of condensed knowledge in a few sentences. But it doesn't matter. You are taken on a journey by this book. It contains so much knowledge (years of experience in the field), so much good advice for living more fully, and so many obvious ways to handle the dying process. The book describes subjects only rarely found in other similar books - how to take care of the body after death (which can be tremendous healing for grievers I must say from personal experience) and the shadow side of caregiving. I especially like the description of the dissolution of the elements just before death - indeed what it feels like physically to die - experienced from the inside! It contains many touching stories, and simple, yet profound sentences of great wisdom - summations of experience from Joan's many hours and years on the bedside of dying fellow human beings. I only read about 20-30 pages a day to have time to think about and absorb the knowledge in the book. It is stressed again and again that there are no single good way to die. What the dying person experiences can be so very different from what family, friends, and caretakers experience from the outside. Each chapter is followed by meditations, which can be used on your own or together with a dying person (well, aren't we all!) And after completing the book - in the end you end up wishing Joan or somebody trained by her could be there for your own death. And that's kind of a compliment... ;-)

Death is as much a part of life as living, but most people do not fear life. "Being with Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death" is Joan Halifax's explanation why one should not fear death. A Buddhist teacher who has worked with the dying for much of her life, she uses the teachings of her religion to help inspire those of any faith to be better be prepared for what is inevitable, and live for the time they have now. "Being With Dying" is informed and inspiring, making it a recommendation for those who want to further appreciate life.

Healthy, clear, concise guidance, including reflective meditation to care for those who are dying. At the same time in developing compassion and fearlessness to face the dying, it concurrently provides a guide for healthy living. Who knows what is most important in life? Those who deny it and live on in ignorant bliss, or those for whom it is already knocking on their door.

Joan Halifax brings deep wisdom and caring to every moment, and this book is one more example of the gifts she shares so freely. We all deal with death and dying, now or later, ours or others, and this wise book will help us traverse the terrain more gracefully. Honey Ward www.ExperienceYourPower.com