Being Perfect

A year ago, with my 25 year marriage falling apart and a spouse in full-blown midlife crisis, and with 3 teenaged boys, I took 6 weeks to follow a lifelong dream of visiting Ireland. I stayed in hostels, walked and bussed, followed my own nose after years of trying to be the best wife and mother I could be. Shortly before this trip, I found Anna Quindlen's graduation address to Vassar (?) college, from which Being Perfect is largely derived. This, with a few select prayers, poems, and books, went everywhere with me. Last fall, I wrote Anna Quindlen an email thanking her for her wisdom that balances "head and heart" so well, and telling her about her essay coming with me. She emailed me back saying I had "made her day" and telling me that "her sisters look over her shoulder" as she writes... I was delighted to see what she had done with this excellent gem of writing. This little book is not meant to be a self-help tome, but a reminder that we need to re-check our motives frequently and assess what we are really doing in relation to the people and cultural pressures around us. The photos are, in my opinion, perfectly eloquent expressions of moments when perfection and conformity come into being in our lives--in all their beauty and joy, but all to often, with too much shallowness and mimicry. A picture is worth 1000 words, right? This book is complete; to elaborate more would have muddied its message.

If I had one wish other than good health and prosperity for my family and friends, it would be to spend an hour with Anna Quindlen. From Ms. Quindlen's earliest days as a columnist for the New York Times to her books and musings for Newsweek magazine, this author never fails to amaze me. I will truly never forget feeling black and blue when I read Ms. Quindlen's book so aptly named or the longings of Mrs. Blessing to nurture an abandoned infant in her book Blessings or most of all how she seemed to be writing about me in How Reading Changed My Life. But it was her canceled graduation speech and the basis of the book, A Short Guide to a Long and Happy Life which filled me with joy and tears as I handed this to our only child when she left our home and she embarked on a career and living in the big city when she graduated from college.And now that I have read Ms. Quindlen's latest offering and once again I must sing her praises as a wise and witty author who shares with her readers her innermost thoughts on living a life of perfection and being perfect. In Being Perfect Ms. Quindlen explores how each of us is consumed with the goal of being perfect and more important what happens to us when we march to our own drummer. While we hear this term and may even use it ourselves, as we read this book we really have time to think about what is "perfect" and what surprises and life lessons await us when we're not "perfect." And how we grow and learn and sometimes realize that being perfect may not only be a myth but harmful to us as individuals. While avid readers love to read, we all read for different reasons. And when I read Anna Quindlen I can't help but think of CS Lewis' quote, "We read to know we are not alone," And so I know I am never alone when I read an Anna Quindlen book and it is as if she is standing right beside me urging me on to continue reading, continue to be myself and continue to enjoy what I hope will be a long and happy life. And if I never get to meet this gifted author, I can always look forward to her next book, or article or even reread one of her previous books which I cherished. I urge to read Being Perfect and consider this as a gift for any and all who are embarking on a new journey or just living their usual lives. See if you don't agree with me that not only is Ms. Quindlen a wonderful author but one of our national treasures.

This brief picture book contains an essay based on a commencement address by Ms. Quindlen. The basic concept of the essay is that a young person can get so caught up in meeting others' expectations . . . and doing so perfectly . . . so that there's no room left for the young person to be her- or himself. Instead, you become a perfect imitation of the current manias. Ms. Quindlen wisely warns that " . . . nothing important, or meaningful, or beautiful, or interesting, or great, ever came out of imitations." She warns that it's hard work being yourself. There's no model for you to follow. You have to face yourself and make the most of your imperfections. Ms. Quindlen also warns against the concept of "effortless perfection" that young people seek to portray. It's an oxymoron. Perfection is a great task and the goals are constantly being shifted for you. In addition, it's the imperfections that draw the eye and make the hand-made rug more appealing than the machine-made "perfect" one. To be human is to be imperfect. Revel in it! To me, the photographs were the best part of the book, and they would have reproduced much better if they had been on larger pages. I graded the book down one star for failing to do justice to the photographs. The book opens with a photograph of a young woman carrying an enormous briefcase on her back. It's a metaphor for the weight of carrying the need to be perfect in the world's eyes. The next photograph has six women in bathing suits at the beach. One is standing on her head while five similar-looking women pose in high heels with their arms around each other sitting on a rail. In the next image, two identically dressed females compare their shoes. There's a lot of humor in the images. You'll see bobby soxers, women walking with books balanced on their heads, a girl on stilts, a bride gaping as her veil flaps ahead of her in the breeze, three generations of women profiled, and lots of old-fashioned clothing . . . all of which were considered "new and perfect" at one point in time or another. You'll be giggling a lot over these photographs. There are also some romantic, idealized images to reflect the need to be yourself. Those will cause you to yearn for tranquility and satisfaction.

Author Anna Quindlen continues to impress me with her writing. This book has great inspirational message and is definitely worth reading. Highly recommend.

Anna Quindlen has done it again. She has transferred her wisdom into a brief and easy-to-read message book, which provides great advice to all who are mired in what can be a very judgmental society. The premise of this book, the reprint of a graduation speech, is the suggestion that we don't forget or ignore our true selves as we strive to conform to what society believes is perfection. Quindlen reminds us that it's okay to be different and that our best selves and most creative ideas may come from these differences. Like Maria Shriver's new book, "And One More Thing Before You Go," I believe this is the perfect graduation gift, particularly for girls or young women, but should not be limited to this audience. I have all ready passed on to my ten-year-old, and have benefited from the message myself. Michele Cozzens, Author of A Line Between Friends and The Things I Wish I'd Said.