Baby Love: Choosing Motherhood After a Lifetime of Ambivalence

The diary form suits this book perfectly. It doesn't feel like a memoir, and doesn't obviously benefit from 20/20 hindsight. So much of what she writes parallels the thoughts that I had when I was pregnant, the kind of stoned, fearful, hopeful thoughts that run through the head. It seemed natural that she should write about her mother. I thought about my mother and my grandmothers and all the women who had done it before me when I was pregnant. I felt tuned in to some radio station that I had never received before. There were heady moments that made me cringe, knowing the crash that would come later. For instance: "At the moment, I am writing at the kitchen table. Tenzin is strapped into his carrot-encrusted high chair on my right, engrossed in picking up star-shaped banana puffs. Every five minutes, he makes a high-pitched yelp to get my attention, and I reach for a new thrill to keep him occupied, but by the end of the day I will have written five hundred words over my thousand-word allotment... now I am closer than ever to writing a book a year, and I owe it all to Tenzin." I laughed aloud, remembering feeling that way when my daughter was very little, that this was all going to be a piece of cake. You don't know then that every routine you create will be tossed aside by child, brutishly and without warning. Which makes everything in this so beautiful and fragile. The vulnerability and self-absorption of pregnancy really comes through in a touching and funny way. It's probably best to not read this before getting pregnant. It's not good preparation. It's better after you've been through it, and can look back and laugh at yourself a little. Like she does.

As a mother of a child who spent his first ten days of life in the NICU of a hospital, reading another mothers journey to have her baby was such a blessing. Through all the questions before the baby is born , to the saddness over her relationship with her mother, to the birth and hospitalization of her beautiful boy, we watch a warrior formed before our very eyes. Its an important book for mothers, and especially single mothers, where sometimes the lonliness of our job can be overwhelming. It is in Baby Love that we find out, single or not, all first time mothers are in the same boat. I am buying it for all of my friends. Walker's book makes me feel powerful. It made me feel like a member of a very strong army of mothers.

Narcissistic? She's writing a book about her experiences. I think honest is a better word. Being a mom over 35 myself, I related to much of Ms. Walker's experience with being a first time mom. Though I don't share all of her views, I do appreciate her honesty. Pregnancy wasn't easy for me and though I wanted a baby more than anything at the time, I can't say that I enjoyed being pregnant. I do not share Ms. Walker's view on non-biological children, but I understand how it is to love your biological child so much, it blinds you from pretty much any other kind of love. I do have friends who have adopted and I see as much love in their eyes for their children as I have for mine. Maybe it is different for those who have had both a biological child and a child from another relationship. I really don't understand why so many people were so harsh with their reviews of this book. I really enjoyed it and would have given her more stars if it were possible. I look forward to reading much more from Rebecca Walker!

Rebecca Walker writes honestly and eloquently of the many feelings and beliefs she has carried over the years about becoming a mother. The subtitle of her book, choosing motherhood after a lifetime of ambivalence, together with her main title, telegraphs the denouement of her story; namely, that her ambivalence takes a decidedly positive turn at some point in her story. Her change of heart is not a simple matter, and she shares the complex and often subtle experiences that ultimately change her. The book is written as a diary in a style that is informal and pleasantly conversational. The topics are many, such as working versus motherhood, fears of having a baby, indecision (once deciding to have it) as to where to have it (at home or in a hospital), the complexities of relationship, and so many more. None of theses are new issues, to be sure, but each is pondered thoughtfully from differing aspects and the reader is invited to ponder them as well. I was impressed by Walker's willingness to share her vulnerabilities, to reveal the lessons she has learned over time such as her tendency to "mother" others--to shower others with the emotional support that she craved but had not received as a child. She credits Glen, the man with whom she eventually would have her child, for much of her increased self-understanding, for his help with her moodiness, her depression, her sometimes disabling insecurities. He is consistently present and supportive, though never agreeing simply to please her. His intelligent rebuttals to some of her ideas bring an additional depth and dimension to the story. Walker makes no secret of her antagonistic relationship with her own mother (author Alice Walker). Not an easy thing to display one's deep and continuing hurt by a famous mother for all the world to read. In the very first chapter of her book, the author reveals her mother's astonishing indifference to her announcement that she is pregnant--an indifference and often outright nastiness that is sprinkled generously throughout the pages of this book. There can be little doubt that this hurtful relationship is a significant factor in Rebecca Walker's deep-seated ambivalence toward bringing her own child into the world. But Baby Love is not without humor. After a visit to the maternity department of a shop with "... haggard-looking mothers being dragged around by whiny, unruly kids," she calls Glen and laments, "Am I going to be trapped behind a stroller for the rest of my life, at the beck and call of some badly behaved toddler screaming for his sippy cup?" Perhaps this scene amuses me only because it brings back similar feelings of my own from so many years ago. I never fully understand Walker's change of heart when I suddenly come upon her pleasure over being pregnant and later her euphoria over her son, who has become everything to her, or her euphoria over motherhood--which she now feels she can embrace wholeheartedly while still accomplishing great things, a

I read this book in one sitting - I was so engrossed by the author's candidness. Before becoming pregnant myself, I never could have imagined some of the emotional obstacles I would meet in these expectant months, waiting for my life to "change forever" (as I'd heard from many ambiguously supportive women who'd gone through the experience before me). I picked this book up in the bookstore because of the juxtaposition in the subtitle: Choosing motherhood over ambivalence. I was tired of getting lukewarm reactions to my happy news from my mother, grandmother and some of my closest friends, while estranged friends, acquaintances and strangers celebrated it with unexpected enthusiasm. A totally unexpected shift took place - relationships with women who identified themselves as mothers deepened, while relationships with women who distanced themselves from that role fractured. What phenomenon could possibly explain this? Every woman who's experienced motherhood (and even those who've actively chosen not to experience it) come to this subject with very powerful feelings. At the center of these feelings, I believe, is the notion that they have had to or will have to sacrifice for their children, a notion ingrained in us with the advent of Feminism and all the alternate possibilities that it has provided for our lives and careers. Now, some women seem so focused on what children have cost us, and not what they have to offer us. I hoped this book would explain the ambivalence of others and help me out from under it. Luckily, Walker, a feminist herself, provided me with an inspirational example. From her very own shocked reaction to the news she was pregnant, through the range of positive and negative reactions from others to that same news, Walker examines her choice to become a mother critically and ultimately embraces her new role. At the heart of her struggle is the lack of support offered by her mother. Inevitably, our relationships with our mothers do change as we take on that role ourselves, making the transition into motherhood (and officially out of daughterhood, as Walker points out) more complicated than one might expect. A mother's support can be generally absent for years, but that absence becomes especially felt when it applies to news of a pregnancy. In giving life herself, Walker gains the ability to see herself on equal rather than lesser footing with the woman who gave her that same gift. She thereby gains the strength to distance herself from a painful relationship and to embrace the experience of motherhood with a pure, open and unconditionally loving heart.