Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents

After reading a 3 foot tall stack of books on adoption and attachment, I can unreservedly say the is the best of the lot. If you only have time to read one, make this one it. If after reading this one you still need ideas, see my other reviews for more great books.

As the parent of 2 adopted children, one who attached easily and one who is proving to be more of a challenge, this book is one that I feel our agency should make required reading. It is not only for those parents of older adoptees, but I found much that was helpful for our 14 month old son. Beyond the obvious helpful ideas and explanations, this book served to help "normalize" this experience for me, and helped me feel less like we are living in our own little hell at the moment. Reading the real-life stories provided me with several "ahh haa" moments, and I now feel much better equipped to handle my son's behavior and understand this is more of a "Long Haul" than a "Quick Fix", but definitely something that can be worked with and helped. This book is very in-depth and comprehensive, and for someone who is at this moment dealing with a month worth of sleepless nights, tantrums, and constant pushing away I can't think of anything more valuable that I have found to help me through this.

I am a clinical psychologist who works with families and children. This is an excellent book for parents and professionals. The techniques are well grounded in research and sound developmental theory, but are also explained clearly and without lots of jargon. Excellent examples are used to illustrate points and techniques.

If you only plan to read one book about adoption, make it this one! It covers pretty much everything you would need to know about the emotional impact of adoption, from infancy to adulthood. It is an intense book, both in terms of its emotional content (some of the case studies are heart-wrenching) and its depth of information. The author really knows her stuff, both from extensive reading of the research literature and from many years of personal experience as a therapist. She covers the various stages of attachment, what kids need to attach well, what happens when the process goes wrong, and what to do to help kids make healthy attachments to their new families. Even if you are adopting an infant and don't expect any problems, this book will help you make the attachment process as smooth as possible. There is also extensive discussion of the issues adoptive kids experience later on, such as the search for identity, fantasies about who their birth parents really were and whether they will be reunited, grief over losing parents, etc. It is ultimately a very positive book, demonstrating that even seriously damaged kids can work through their issues and become happy, well-adjusted adults, and anyone who had a rocky relationship with their own parents will probably find some surprising insights here -- poor attachment can happen in any family. Required reading!

As the head of a large private practice counseling group, I read many books on many subjects, including RAD. This is simply the finest and most comprehesive book on attachment I have ever read. It is written by a professional with many years of experience, yet it is easy to read, even for the lay person. The excellent professional reviews are correct, this book is essential to an understanding of this subject and will be helpful to both professional and parent.