At Your Own Risk: A Saint's Testament

Jarman, Derek. "At Your Own Risk: A Saint's Testament", University of Minnesota Press, 2010. In His Own Words Amos Lassen Derek Jarman's memoir is sensitive and moving as he reflects on his life as only he could. Jarman is especially important to the gay community as he was one of the first to deal with the gay lifestyle on the screen and as we read his memoir we go back in time and see the man through different eyes. We see how he grew artistically and personally and he gives us the essence of his life. He rails at the government of Great Britain because of its indifference to the AIDS epidemic and he doesn't mince his words. At times it is easy to think that he went too far but we must remember that he lost his life to the disease. As he looked directly into the face of death, he was well aware of what was happening to him and how his government did nothing to help. The book is not just an autobiography, it is a manifesto as well and Jarman is very angry in it. There does not seem to be much structure in the book as we get reminiscences and rants (but they are grouped by the decades in which he lived, the 40's through the 90's). This is not just the story of one man but it is a look at a generation of gay men who came of age before Stonewall and were heavily discriminated against. They were considered deviants and were not allowed to touch each other or go to bars to meet others. They got to see the legalization of homosexuality with the Wolfenden Report and then twenty years later they were hurt by Section 28 of the Local Government Act in which they were once again back to zero. Jarman writes of the generation that was taken away by the horrible gay plague and these same men had their freedoms taken from them and they were crushed to death. We were taught then that only heterosexuality was relevant and that we must be punished. Nonetheless Jarman rose above that and went on to become an internationally famous filmmaker. However he does write about his filmmaking here. Rather we learn about the men he knew in the artistic community and that for Jarman work was an escape and a haven especially after his HIV diagnosis. Jarman concerns himself with justice here and how it has been absent from the GLBT community. It is quite a book and it calls out to be read especially by those who were not around during AIDS and who have not suffered real discrimination. Life is so much easier for them. Jarman would approve.