Art of Understanding Your Mate: With Leader's Guide

I have found relief and a true understanding of marriage in The Art of Understanding Your Mate. I have to admit I read the MISunderstanding write up on this book. Yet, after 19 years of marriage it speaks so much more clearly than Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus-although it helped-some. The Mars book was wonderful in the "Letter Writing" segment-that helps one vent appropriately. Yet, you can see I had to keep searching for more in a book. Dr. Osborne's book just speaks in terms that after years of marriage did shed light on my husband's perspective, and gave me a sensible voice. My voice as a woman does varies, but to think that we are so numb that we need only in a word and response as, "I understand and permission for him to enter the cave", goes much deeper. This book shed lights on all aspects of personalities, relationships trials-even death. I think that having a biblical spine helps to know that it is timeless and will surpass the changes in our days; and simply deals with why I wanted the book on the subject of marriage and relationship between male and female. I applaud a book that can speak clearly today as it did when it was written- Thank you Dr. Osborne.

The wisdom of the writer is timeless based on Christian fundamentals. It helped our marriage many years ago and now I am buying it to give it as a tool to others who have shaky marriages. I highly recommend it.

This is a timeless guide to the principles which undergird a healthy marriage. The ability to see a problem or a situation from your spouse's perspective is what makes Dr. Osborne's book so helpful. He uses anecdotes and scriptural references to help the reader see beneath the surface of our mate. Men and women are different and knowing how those differences affect our interpersonal communication leads to understanding. That, and the realization that marriage is about sacrifice and putting someone else's interest ahead of our own. There is no such thing as marriage being a 50/50 proposition, or even 60/40. Those kinds of expectations inevitably result in disappointment because our spouse rarely has the same expectations we do. Changing our own expectations and our own behavior first is what Dr. Osborne teaches will effect changes in our mate and ultimately our marriage. My first exposure to this book was 16 years ago when my wife handed it to me with the admonition, "Read it or else." Naturally I followed her excellent advice and it saved our marriage. Since then I have used it as a tool to help others whose marriages are in difficulty. I keep several copies on the shelf to hand out as needed. Definitely worth the read.

Understanding Your Mate reflects only a small part of the wisdom shared in Osborne's earlier work - The Art of Understanding Yourself - If you can find a copy of this don't pass it up! Although "Art of Understanding Your Mate" may seem dated in some aspects, most conflicts and behaviours in a relationship have the same root now as they did a generation ago. Osborne helps us understand the source of inter/personal conflict and strategies to resolve the cause, not just the effect - We cannot change another person directly. We can however change ourselves and give the other person room to respond in kind. The art of a successful Christian marriage is not wait for your spouse to serve your needs, but first to satisfy the needs of your spouse. If your spouse in return seeks to understand and answer your needs, both will be generously fulfilled. This book came into my life when it was most needed and I am grateful. It would make an excellent resource for small group study, even better when combined with "The Five Languages Of Love".