Are Your Parents Driving You Crazy?: Getting to Yes with Competent Aging Parents

I bought this book for my mom so she could get a long with my grandmother. As people age things change, people change and your mindset needs to change too. Most times the daughter/son role changes to caregiver. It's hard for everyone! After reading this book I saw things that will not only help my mother with her mother, but will help ME with my mother and my daughter with ME! Great book! I leave it in our guest bedroom for others to read while they are here. Everyone says they learned something from it : )

Reviewed by Debra Gaynor for Reader Views (12/06) When we are young our parents (in most situations) take care of us. As our parents age, the roles reverse; parents don't see the need for or want the reversal. It is important for children to be diplomatic when offering to help their parents and not diminish their freedom nor take over their decision-making unless it is necessary. The suggestions in this book leave the parent with their dignity and independence. "We urge parents and children to establish a sound, mutually respectful relationship, which we call the caring partnership, and show them how to avoid mistakes that can frustrate their efforts." This book is written with 3 assumptions: "1.) That your parents are still capable of making rational decisions, 2.) That you and your parents are able to interact, 3.) That your parents have been managing their lives successfully until now." Authors and therapists, Ilardo and Rothman, offer scenarios and suggestions for examining the circumstance as it relates to the parent and child. They ask questions to help you examine each situation and how to solve the problem if there is one. Among the topics discussed is dealing with a spouse that resents the in-laws' demands, managing bank accounts, whether or not to move an aging parent in with you, and a sibling stealing from a parent. These and many more topics are thoroughly discussed and analyzed. The chapter on assisted living and nursing facilities is invaluable. The main objective of this book is to teach children how to form a partnership with their parents. Too many times the child strong arms the parent and tries to take over the decision-making when it's not necessary. Ilardo and Rothman are talented writers offering their readers wise insight into a problem that more and more people are facing daily. I hope that after reading this book I can be more of a partner to my parents, not threatening their dignity or independence. Kudos to the authors! The title of this book is well chosen hinting at the insights inside. It is with pleasure that I highly recommend "Are Your Parents Driving You Crazy?" to all adult children.

Now in a newly revised and expanded second edition, Are Your Parents Driving You Crazy?: Getting To Yes With Competent Aging Parents by co-authors, therapists, and consultants Joseph A. Ilardo and Carole R. Rothman addresses the common problems of adult children dealing with their aging parents. Practical advice is provided for caregivers and family members having to deal with aging parents who refuse to stop driving when they can no longer safely do so; skimp on expenses when there is no need to do so; refuse to see and/or ignore their doctor; antagonize home health aides; avoid discussing end-of-life issues; as well as those who want to move in with their children. But more than this, Are Your Parents Driving You Crazy? has sound advice on dealing with family members who never offer to help, who resent the time the caregiving sibling spends on caring for the aging parent, actually discourages caregiving sibling involvement. There is even a section dealing with children who take undue advantage and even steal from the aging parent. Additionally, this new edition addresses the reality that assisted living is not a solution for everyone. If you have an aging parent requiring help and care, then give Joseph Ilardo and Carole Rothman's Are Your Parents Driving You Crazy? a careful reading. It could save time, energy, anxiety, all the while improving the quality of the relationship between an aging parent and their adult children.