Anxious to Please: 7 Revolutionary Practices for the Chronically Nice

After reading Anxious to Please I had insight into some of my mother's behavior. My memories include her obsessive baking of desserts and giving them away to coworkers, neighbors, doctors, anyone she had contact with. She often couldn't pay her bills but always had money to buy the ingredients for her gifts. It is obvious now that she was one of the original "chronically nice" people. She wanted to be liked by everyone (except perhaps family members who were locked into a relationship by blood). None of these people became real friends. My husband also identified his father as one of the chronically nice, though he treated his wife very poorly. He gave big parties for extended family and acquaintances paying for literally truck loads of liquor. His dad also bought people (would be friends) gas for their cars. Generous to a fault? The family was not well to do, and his mother worked in a factory. This book will, no doubt, give others insight into themselves and into friends and family. I suspect many people will recognize relatives, who might not have always been nice to them, but who gave away time and things to strangers in a quest to be liked. Dana Paulinski MSW

Reading Anxious to Please was like having a light turned on in my life. "Wow, that's my stuff. I do those things. THAT'S ME!" The good news is, Anxious to Please helps you clean it all up with simple, practical steps anyone can follow. The book itself is easy to read and navigate through and return to again and again. What I especially liked (and found useful as illustrations) were the real-life case studies/examples that were always dead-on hitting the mark. The practices take you out of the darkness where you can see, identify, and then correct habitual behavior. And in the process, forge better and stronger relationships, both old and new. Thanks Rapson and English.

Being "nice" in every situation--especially in love relationships--often will not get you the positive strokes you crave. The authors of this book, both Recovering Nice Guys, tell how some of us fall into the pattern of being Chronically Nice--and how these behaviors work against our happiness and success. This book presents an intelligent, engaging, inspirational and genuinely useful plan for recognizing and overcoming these destructive behaviors. In these pages, you'll likely recognize yourself or someone you love. In fact, a male friend saw the book on my shelf and he went over to it immediately and he took it off the shelf and flipped through it and he said, "Can I read this?" He took it with him when he left. Now I'll have to get myself another copy!

Anxious to Please is a thoughtful, well-organized discussion of the reasons that some people have difficulties with relationships because they feel compelled to always be nice. They deal with situations by not making waves rather than honestly responding to the situation. It's a book about behaviors that are all too common in our society and that lead to many of the difficulties in our relationships. It presents a clear, consistent approach to improving communication by being more honest and open with oneself and others. I heartily recommend the book to anyone who feels too anxious to please. Sema Labovitz

Anxious to Please is a great book for anyone who has problems being too nice (if you find yourself always trying to please other people, or apologizing a lot, or worrying what other people think). Just read the nice list in the first chapter and you'll know if it's you. This book explains the psychological source of the problem (anxious attachment), where it came from and how it works. More importantly, the main portion of the book is devoted to 7 practices which are solid advice about how to change things - become more self-loving, strong and confident, without losing the ability to be kind. I highly recommend this book!