Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion

Carol Tavris has written a clear, informative, interesting, and meaningful analysis of anger. She documents the various ways in which anger has been understood versus misunderstood by leading (popular) self-help authors and researchers, and distills from these various treatments helpful guidelines for understanding and managing anger. Carol Tavris is one of those rare writers whose writings are informed by a conscientious reading of research coupled with commonsense conclusions suggestive of easy to understand, helpful behavioral guidance. This book is a winner!

I have not written a book ! am not a psychologist or psychoanalyst ! and I am often a very angry person (wife and mother especially and Ms Travis has insight about this kind of problems). I went through therapy thinking I was going to discover some awful thing that had happened in my past but could not uncover anything and I have to come to terms with what is only MY problem eventually. It did make me a more open and dynamic person though and this experience for me was quite well explained by Carol Tavris` book.I think the angry reviews in part misunderstand what she wrote. It is not true that she "ignores the fact that different individuals have learned different ways! of dealing with frustration and anger" as the writer of another book on the subject puts it. She quite acknowledges that. She also thinks anger is useful in certain ways.Please read or re-read her book. It is refreshing, full of humor and yes she has some reason to criticize the ALLMIGHTY UNCONSCIOUS that unconscious shrinks interpret as they wish. Good thing that the unconscious cannot talk back !!!

Carol Tavris offers some very practical advice. Apart from when the expression of anger is intended to dissolve a relationship, anger becomes effective when: (1) the anger is directed at the offending person (telling friends may increase anger); (2) the expression satisfies your need to influence the situation and/or correct an injustice; and, (3) your approach seems likely to change the other person's behavior, which means you can express yourself so they can understand your point of view and so they will cooperate with you. She takes issue with those who would encourage venting. Like Harriet Goldhor Lerner, her goal is change.

I first read this book about eight years ago. Though some of Ms. Tavris' analysis is suspect, the vast majority is well-founded and accurate IF YOU APPROACH IT WITH AN OPEN MIND. Unfortunately, simply implying that anger is a learned, self-controllable response provokes a very angry reaction in many people (see other reviews) that makes it hard to get the point across. Tavris has a lot to say. Unfortunately, very few people will listen.

Dr. Tavris has based this book on serious research on the subject of anger. She debunks many of the pop myths about the purpose of anger and helps the reader to understand the causes of expressed anger. Her central point is that anger is a self-reinforcing mechanism that does not have healthy outcomes in itself. She explains the physiological purpose and effects of anger, pointing out that we really don't need to be angry in our lives. Instead she suggests various models and techniques to help understand what "sets us off" and how to manage anger. A number of situations are covered and illustrated by personal and clinical examples. This is not a prescription for a quick fix for quick tempers - while Dr. Tavris is sympathetic about the many reasons why we get angry, she avoids simplistic behavioral techniques as well as overly introspective ones