Ambivalent Zen: A Memoir

First, a little background for this review. I spent 35 years searching for the truth (Who am I? Where did I come from? Is there a God? What are subatomic particles? What could explain the "observer paradoxes" in quantum mechanics? etc.). Zen helped me find everything I was searching for (it required 15 years of attentiveness). Although I ultimately left Zen behind, I am unspeakably grateful for all the help I received from various Zen Masters and other Zen practitioners I met along the way. I read Shainberg's book when it first came out and then re-read it again this last weekend. I had forgotten how incredibly funny the book is and how honest Shainberg is in reporting his experiences. When I read it the second time, I was struck most strongly by the pernicious power of Shainberg's "monkey mind." It's hard to believe that someone could do as much zen practice as he did without his mind quietening down enough to allow a few major insights. Nevertheless, I take him at his word. It reminds me of one of my friends who told me that after meditating for two years, his internal dialogue had not diminished at all and that he had never had a single moment of mental silence. I guess some people just have bad karma. Either that, or some people just don't want to know the truth badly enough. Personally, I was eaten up by the need to understand. I felt like a rat in a trap, and the idea of dying without ever understanding the universe struck me as absolutely intolerable. I was willing to die to know the truth. Ironically, what I discovered at the end of the trip is that I had never been born! For those who are still trapped by their thinking habits, try to make sense out of that statement. At any rate, I strongly recommend Ambivalent Zen, either as pure comedy, or as a warning about the kinds of craziness one is likely to encounter on the spiritual path. Fortunately, during his journey Shainberg met at least one authentic Zen Master who was clearly awake, and the Zen Master's conversations with Shainberg throughout the book provide a sharp contrast between an enlightened perspective and one that is still trapped in duality. For anyone who is serious about waking up, here is the condensed version of how to do it. Stop and be still. Meditate or do whatever you have to do to create some mental silence and space. (everything you are searching for will appear out of silence). Focus your attention upon what you can see, hear, smell, taste, and touch. Trust yourself 100% (you already know what you want to know at a deep level of mind, but that level is far below the intellect--you have to go deeper than usual to get access to it). Simply bear in mind what you want to know until your questioning becomes non-verbal. Don't give up. Keep searching until you find the treasure. Hint: You searcher is not who you think it is! Other wonderful books on the same subject include, The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle, Collision With The Infinite, by Suzanne Segal, and Fro

Shainberg's book is great for all of the reasons given in the earlier customer reviews. I read it in one sitting on the shinkansen from Tokyo to Hiroshima. Couldn't put it down. It is honest and very well-written. Going past Okayama, I realized what Shainberg clearly understands, you cannot be enlightened unless you can say to yourself, "I am as enlightened as I am ever going to be." Believing that may not be a sufficient condition for actually being enlightened, but it sure is a necessary condition.

Reads like a novel. I couldn't put it down. Every time I would nod my head in agreement, the next page would reveal a completely different way of looking at the thing. Then I would nod my head, once again. Amusing, insightful and genuine.

Tackles his spiritual search w/ alternating humor and seriousness--was a book I couldn't leave half finished.

I have laughed with relief since picking up this book. Similar doubts, questions, revelations, joy, pain and peace have entered and left my practice. Every person interested in buddhism should read this book on their "adventures on the Dharma path."