Alone Together: Making an Asperger Marriage Work

Katrin is a wonderful wife. They were married for 17 years when she first realized the cause of Galvin's issues at age 37. With the estimated 80% divorce rate in AS marriages, her story of her own life can be useful. It isn't perfect, it isn't going to match all other couples, and you may not agree with all her conclusions and answers. yet that's the greatness of the book. it is HER STORY, and she tells it with pride in herself and her partner.

As Katrin Bentry shows, it is quite hard and challenging for neurotypical(NT) people to deal with Aspies. Gavin, Katrin's husband with Asperger syndrome(AS) is a typical example, I'd say. He was such a perfectionist that the whole family had to treat him with kids' gloves. He likes sports such as tennis and swimming and is very enthusiastic to them. But the problem was that didn't always satisfy his family because of his pedantic and perfectionist approach to life. He got easily ornery when things didn't go all right and their kids couldn't play sports as he had expected. I must say he acted as if he had condescended to them even if he didn't mean to. Nothing was so stressful as this! It not only exhausted him but his family! But why did Katrin decide not to divorce him? I think it's mainly because she realized she herself had several AS traits although she is an NT person. And this motivated her to know more about Gavin's specific AS traits. And her dedication to Gavin could appeal to him. So, understanding each other is the first step to better communication. To me, Gavin has been mellower since his diagnosis with AS.

The author does an excellent job of communicating the difficulty of an AS marriage. The title is wonderful and says it all. She does a good job of explaining the frustrations of everyday life, but is very kind and understanding when speaking of her husband even when he is verbally abusive to her. There was somehow a comfort in reading about the feelings and frustrations that I experience daily. It was like I have a friend who understands completely what I am going through and is sharing her similar story with me. I highly recommend the book.

I am married to an Aspie. I've read many books on this subject. So far, this one is helping *me* with my marriage. The other books helped me to understand the Aspie, but this one is helping me with my reactions to him. This book is written in layman's terms, and in story form which makes it easy for me to understand. I recommend this book highly.

When I first found this book at the library, my husband and I were first starting to look into Asperger's because we thought my son and husband might have it. Life kept me from reading this as soon as I would have liked, but once I did it was like having one a ha moment after another. Not only did it help confirm that AS is something my husband and son have, but myself as well. Katrin Bentley writes from her own experience of living with a husband with AS. She offers a real and honest perspective of what her marriage has been like, and "gives strategies and hints on how to improve" your relationship with someone with AS. I love what she says in the first couple of pages, "Once we discovered AS was the cause of our endless misunderstandings we were able to come to terms with a different way of thinking". Misunderstood is how someone with Asperger's feels, and those married to people with AS must face many frustrations of not understanding why their spouse is the way they are. So, coming to a new way of thinking is about the best answer. Katrin addresses so many different points about being AS, and married to someone who has it that it would take quite a while to mention them all. The most valuable thing that came from this book is it opened a door of communication and understanding between my husband and myself. I read portions to him that I thought we both related to, and we would have long talks about it. I appreciate that Katrin does not bash someone with AS, but lovingly explains things, She is not an expert, but more of a friend and mentor. I would read anything else she wrote about AS.