All I Know about Animal Behavior I Learned in Loehmann's Dressing Room

Heard the taped version of Erma Bombeck's ALL I KNOW ABOUT ANIMAL BEHAVIOR I LEARNED IN LOEHMANNMN'S DRESSING ROOM . . . this is a collection of 38 pieces where she compares and contrasts animal behavior with that of the human species. Not everything hit the mark, but those that did had me laughing quite a bit . . . for example, when she compares the show-off behavior of gorillas to the attention-getting ploys of Madonna, Howard Stern, Roseanne, and other "professional exhibitionists, I kept thinking to myself that there are indeed amazing parallels. I also liked her observation about the fact that the female elephant calf carries here calf for 660 days before giving birth and continues breeding until she is 90 days old . . . however, Bombeck says not to feel too sorry for the elephant; after all, her height enables her to carry the extra weight quite well. And then she tells the story of four dolphins who got lost and were trapped in a New Jersey river. Of course, she contends, they had to be men . . . which leads to the author's advice on ending all wars: "Let men give directions on how to get there." Bombeck, who died in 1996, was always one of my favorite humorists . . . this book will help remind you just how funny she was . . . narration by Barbara Rosenblatt was fine; however, I would have preferred hearing the author herself.

Of all the animals, man is only one that blushes -- or who needsto. He is also the only one that laughs, or at least that's whatthe naturalists claim. Perhaps it is because we humans are thefunniest of the animals, and who better to point that out thanthe late Erma Bombeck?In "All I Know About Human Behavior I Learned in Loehman'sDressing Room", Bombeck shares some of the observations made bythe naturalists and then shows how humans are alike. The femaleelephant, for example, carries her calf for 660 days beforegiving birth and continues breeding until she is ninety yearsold. But Bombeck doesn't feel too sorry for the elephant; afterall with her height she carries the extra weight quite well!In the old days pregnancy was a real event in a woman's life; shewas told to give up exercise and could eat whatever she wanted.Today, however, she has to exercise more than ever and everyoneis watching what she eats. Birth is so ordinary that a femalejockey delivered only a few hours after her third race. Surrogatemothers made the old joke "Are you pregnant? No, I'm carrying itfor a friend" reality, and frozen embryos are part of the divorcesettlement!Another notice tells of four dolphins who got lost and weretrapped in a New Jersey river. Of course we all know they had tobe men. Bombeck knows how to end all wars: "Let men givedirections on how to get there." Why don't men ask fordirections? It would compromise their masculinity.Of course animals are involved in many laboratory experiments.After wondering who got their permission, Bombeck continues: "Ihave never been in a laboratory where mice are involved inresearch. So when someone tells me they are being used to testthe effects of cigarette smoke and alcohol and the consequencesof too much sun, I have to believe there's a group of micesitting around the pool, smoking and drinking Mai Tais andworking on a tan."When she thinks of animal speed, she thinks of the IRS cashingyour check (the fastest animal on earth) and giving a refund (thesnail is faster). When she reads about the devices that are usedto track animals in the wild, she remembers the variouselectronic devices we have to stay in touch. What should yourecord on that answering machine? "We're not home right now?"That's obvious. "We'll return your call?" What if it is aaluminum siding salesman?This is not a connected narrative, but a series of sketches, eachbased on a different piece of information about the animalkingdom. As a result, you can read this in a hurry or stretch itout. There are a few dry places, but this is a good book to bringwith you while you are waiting for your appointment with the IRS.

I love Erma Bombeck. She is the best author I've read. This book continues that tradition. Every chapter is a laugh. The best part is, you can reread and reread the book and still laugh. Only Erma could do such a thing.