From the Spanish conquistadors to the Salem witch trials, from Paul Revere's ride to the exclamation mark in Oklahoma!, Alexandra Petri's U.S. History presents a deranged timeline in which John and Abigail Adams try sexting, the March sisters from Little Women are sixty feet tall, Nicola Tesla's friends stage an intervention when he falls in love with a pigeon, and Susan Sontag goes to summer camp. A witty, absurdist satire of the last 500 years,...