Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox, Building Connections

For ten years I have reviewed adoption books. As the editor of the largest online international adoption website, I receive as many as 5 requests for reviews a week. This is my rare `two thumbs up'. It is both the `Dr. Spock' and the `Parenting with Love and Logic' of the adoption world. In short, Adoption Parenting is required reading. The format, essays by experts, parents, and fellow life-travelers, is inviting. You can skip around; you can focus on certain issues. Perhaps your child is hoarding food. Perhaps you haven't slept for 2 weeks, or your child's kindergarten cannot understand that a `family tree' project is not a comfortable subject for every child in the classroom. Or maybe you've walked that road already and need a little support in the teenage years. You'll find it all here, gift wrapped with a lovely bow on top. What makes it worth every penny is the personalization. You'll cry, laugh and rejoice. You'll pick it up like a medical-reference book in 5 years. And even more wonderfully, each writer comes across as so incredibly human. You will feel your own feet firmly planted next to those who have walked before you. Though I did not write one word in this book, I am embarrassingly proud of it as both an adoptee and an adoptive mom. Well done, my friends. You created something we can all benefit from! -Martha Osborne

WOW! It is fantastic. I have re-organized the list of books that I recommend for adoptive parents and put it at the top. I am the adoptive mom of two daughters and I have read many adoption books. I have heard moms say that they don't have time to read the adoption books, but they know they need the information and support. I have also heard them say that they can't get their husbands to read about adoption isssues. I know that they (or their husbands) are just not going to read some of the other books out there. This one is different. You can read it straight through. Or you can pick and choose the topics that are most helpful for you right then. You can look up a particular subject. It is big and full of necessary information, but NOT intimidating. The material is presented clearly which makes it easily understood. It is also full of resources and guides you to more information if you need it. This will be the gift that I give to any of my friends who are adoptive parents.

This is a wonderful, encyclopedic guide for all parents of adopted children. Whether your child is young or old, new to you or has been with your family for a long time, you will learn something by reading this book. It's like having an on-line support group on your table top! What I like best about this book is that it is not a `one-size-fits-all' manual. Because the editors have assembled multiple essays for each section, they're able to present multiple viewpoints on the same topic. Here's an example: sleep. Conventional wisdom about adoption parenting suggests sleeping with or very near your newly adopted child to promote attachment. Children adopted from institutions, especially, need this closeness at night as they are used to sleeping in the same room as many other children and sleeping alone will be unnatural and unnerving. That's the advice I took to heart before my husband and I adopted a 15-month old from Russia...and consequently we had two weeks of horrible sleep before we realized that what our child needed in order to get a good night's sleep was to sleep by himself. Our presence in his room, rocking, soothing, singing, did not relax him; it stimulated him. He was too excited by his new family to fall asleep with us present. Having had an experience so contrary to popular adoptive parenting opinion, the first section I flipped to the section on sleep. What did I find? Plenty on co-sleeping and attachment parenting (including a lengthy contribution by the attachment-parenting guru himself, Dr. William Sears) but also a lovely little nugget by Jill Lampman, an adoptive mom. Jill writes about her daughter, adopted from Romania, who was more than thrilled to sleep by herself. Having her own room, her own bed, and her own toys, made her very happy after years of sharing meager resources. Her second daughter,however, adopted from China, slept best right next to her mom. Because Jill was open to differing ideas about sleep she was able to best meet the needs of her family. Because this book is open to the idea that all children are different (although they may have certain issues in common), it's an invaluable resource for adoptive parents.

I am blessed with two children, one through the miracle of birth and the other through the miracle of adoption. I love both of my girls dearly, however parenting my child brought to me through the miracle of adoption is vastly different than parenting my birth child. My child by adoption suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and anxious attachment issues (RAD), which stem from her spending her first year in a Chinese orphanage. I wish this book had been available when we were united with our daughter almost four years ago. For the first three years with our daughter we were completely baffled by behaviors and issues that we didn't know how to parent. Even after seeking help from adoption professionals and doctors we still didn't have answers to her severe sleep issues, overwhelming fears or control battles. Last summer, while doing research for another family, we stumbled across the attach-china site. After reading some of the parents testimonies we realized that our daughter was struggling with reactive attachment disorder and post traumatic stress disorder. All of the questions to all of her difficulties were answered, and we were relieved to have finally found some direction in how to help her through her struggles. Now, pre-adoptive parents can prepare for parenting children who have suffered profound losses. They can educate their friends and family on how to interact with their new child, and establish their much needed support system. Adoptive families who are struggling with adoption related issues can find answers to their questions, and hopefully start the road to healing with their child. This book should be on every adoption agencies must read list. It should be on every adoptive parents bookshelf, as well as in the hands of pediatricians who work with children who are adopted. Every adoption related support group needs to read this book, and get copies in their lending libraries to create further discussion on the unique challenges of raising the adopted child. I highly recommend this book.

As an adoptive mom, I definitely recommend this book for ALL adoptive families. The book is a compilation of articles by many experienced adoptive parents and adoption experts. The topics include sleep, food issues, learning difficulties, discipline, language development, and racism. I especially appreciate the approach that there is no one-size-fits-all answer for every family. The book provides a variety of ideas and suggestions for meeting the unique challenges of adoption. The editors also included lists of resources, as well as lists of signs that outside help may be needed.