Adopting the Hurt Child: Hope for Families with Special-Needs Kids - A Guide for Parents and Professionals

Two years ago, we assumed guardianship of my husband's troubled 12-year old niece. She was my husband's sister's child and came from a "House of Horrors." Every conceivable problem existed. Drug abuse, domestic violence, sick pornography, sibling incest, severe parental neglect, sarcasm, ridicule, brutality and denial. She came from the inner city, to our sheltered, happy home in the suburbs. It was akin to someone moving to a foreign country. Fortunately, I read "Adopting the Hurt Child." The book was a lifesaver. I do not exaggerate. Social workers and incompetent therapists seemed to blame us for her problems, (and we hadn't had her for even a year). The authors said this is common. Adoptive parents take the heat for the original family's neglect. The authors nailed every single issue, or problem, with razor sharp accuracy. Our niece is an actress with attachment issues. She wears masks. She plots, she cannot "be." She was never taught real love or how to be with people. Her presence in our household really shook us to the core. She acted coquettish and manipulative with my husband; snide to me (the mom). I do not see the book as negative, but as candid. Love isn't always enough. Movies may have happy endings, but real life is altogether different. Sometimes, these children do not get better. At least, empowered with the advice of this book, you can seek better therapy treatments, know what kind of therapist to hire, and sniff out the bad ones immediately. Now, two years later, we found an attachment therapist. This terrific therapist cannot be manipulated. She is both tough and compassionate. We made more progress with her -- in three sessions, than our niece did with a sex abuse counselor in a year. Our niece still has many problems, and time will tell. We are hanging in there. And I still reference this book. It's just superb. God bless both the authors.

This is an excellent book and a must for anyone considering fostering or adopting a child older than the age of one. Before getting our first set of foster children (sibling group of 4) I could not make it half way through the book, because it upset me so much. I just could not believe that it was really like they said it was. IT IS EXACTLY LIKE THEY SAID IT WAS! After having the chilren a couple of months I read the book through being able to relate to everything they said. It is all extremely sad, but true. And if anyone wants to help these children , they must be aware of their needs so they can meet them. Love is just not enough. I had a friend, who has adopted 8 children, tell me that before our endeavor, and I did not believe her. Now I know she is right and now I listen to every word of advice she can give me. This book will open your eyes to the sad, hard truth. Read it and weep, but it WILL prepare you to understand and help these children. I wish everyone the very best and when you get discouraged, ask yourself if that child would have been better off if they had never come into your home. I am sure your answer will be "NO." And when you are done with the book, give it to your social worker to read. Of course they could never completely understand until they have fostered or adopted themselves, but it is a start.

This book is a must read for anyone involved in a difficult relationship due to childhood issues or anyone thinking about adopting a child. I purchased it because my husband and I are thinking about adopting a Special Needs child. This definitely helps you to think long and hard about your possible parenting capabilities with a child with Special Needs. I definitely related to the Dreams and Realities Chapter, which has caused me to really evaluate what I am hoping to accomplish in my life with this adoption. Additionally, the chapters on identifying specific behaviors was a real eye opener for me. Although my ex-husband did not come from an adoptive family, I believe he had a lot of the characteristics of a child with Attachment Difficulties. I may have been able to help him, if I had thought of his problems at this level rather than dealing with our problems through marital counseling (how sad to discover this too late.)This is just simply an honest, informative book helping to educate people before taking such a major step in life. Also, this book provides possible answers to the difficult situations we may face in the future. I completely admire the total dedication to a child's needs that this book focuses on.

As an adoption educator, adoptive parent of three (3) special needs children, as well as a birth mother in reunion, I recommend ADOPTING THE HURT CHILD to all prospective adoptive parents. Society tends to sugar-coat adoption, believing that adoptive parents are saints and the adopted child should be grateful to have a family. Unfortunately, particularly when adopting older children, adoptive families are not well-equipped nor adequately prepared to appropriately deal with all of the emotional, behavioral and/or psychological issues these children hold within themselves. When the child begins to act out aggressively, rebelliously or sexually, we/society, tend to criticize the child for not being appreciative of the new life he's been given, or dismiss the behavior, reverting to the old "bad blood" concept from times long past. Often, these special needs children seem to be typical to outsiders, acting out only in the home environment. ADOPTING THE HURT CHILD gives readers insight into how these children became hurt and offers sound advice on not only dealing appropriately with the child's behavior, but on seeking professional help, how to set parameters, exercise patience, creating a safe and nurturing environment and more. As an adoption educator, I utilize this book as a basis when teaching workshops on adopting special needs children and it continues to bring better understanding, as well as empathy and compassion to both the adoption professionals and prospective adoptive parents whom I train. I also give this book as a gift to all of my children's physicians and therapists so they, too, can better treat my children. This is a book written in the true sense of "the best interest of the child." I encourage you to read this book and share it with everyone in your support circle of friends, family and health professionals. Education is the best tool we have to promote understanding.

This book should be a Bible for families adopting hurt children. Keck takes the adoption process step by step and uses case studies to back up each piece of information.We see that there are reasons behind each phase the child goes through, the honeymoon period, the fall-out that follows, the need to drive away their parents before the parents drive them away. Through the children's actual words, we feel their pain.Methods are suggested for dealing with attachment problems, sleep disorders, axieties, etc.Though this book focuses mainly on domestic special needs adoptions, foreign adoptions are warranted their own chapter and, besides, many of the issues are the same.