A Very Good Marriage

"The beauty of a long-term marriage is the unfolding discovery that young love can grow into mature love." ~Tom Mullen "A Very Good Marriage" is an inspiring collection of thoughts on what it takes to love and stay married for an extended period of time. Within this beautiful story, there are clues for those seeking to commit to marriage for life. Tom and Nancy were married for over forty-one years. Nancy died suddenly on December 18, 1998. This story is told by her husband Tom, but Nancy's memory adds vibrancy, wit and life to each chapter. The first chapter is a revealing and sometimes beautiful, yet heart-wrenching look at what it means to lose the love of your life. The second chapter "I take thee, Nancy," starts with humor and then I was instantly crying. What a love this couple had. I was trying to read page 16 but it was a bit difficult when I couldn't see the words. It occurred to me that this is how a woman wants to be loved. This deeply and profoundly and long after she is gone. I have never thought about what a man thinks about when he loses the woman he loves. This was truly insightful and I think Nancy would have loved to read this book. Tom Mullen brings out some interesting concepts. He explains how a spouse should not "accept" psychological abuse and that to accept such abuse is to deny one's own self-worth. He explains how a woman had a emotional breakdown because of self-inflicted martyrdom. While he believes in a good marriage and sees that as ideal, he is not promoting "for better or abuse, infidelity or pain." He also counseled couples and has seen all sides of relationship issues. This is a story of Tom and Nancy, but also includes stories of other couples and how they dealt with their differences, conflicts and needs. After reading this book, I realized that the reason this marriage lasted was because Tom took an active role in the romantic side of the relationship. How could a woman resist staying with a man who cherished her and made her feel loved? He says he wondered what she saw in him. For me, the answers jumped off the pages, one after another. This marriage lasted because a husband loved his wife and she responded to his attention. "A Very Good Marriage" is a rare, honest and beautiful look at the concept of "love for a lifetime." Tom Mullen and his wife took their wedding vows seriously and worked at keeping their marriage at the top of their priority list. This book will be a comfort to anyone who is trying to keep their marriage vows. You might also enjoy reading: "Living Longer and Other Sobering Possibilities" by Tom Mullen ~The Rebecca Review

First I read this book to myself and then my husband and I read it aloud following meals. Tom Mullen's faith, common sense, dedication to his wife, Nancy, and willingness to work with her to grow together through out their long, happy marriage sets a good example for all of us. The book documents how two people found joy in daily life, supported each other during illnesses, and other challenges. The author's sense of humor helps the reader find things in his/her own relationships about which to laugh. This book is a "good read" for all. It will be of interest and helpful to those just contemplating marriage as well as those who have lived many years together.

In the wake of sadly epidemic and chronic divorce statistics, A Very Good Marriage is a memoir to be treasured. It is the compelling and inspiring story of a Quaker husband and wife who stayed together and earned happiness through two careers, four children, and chronic health difficulties. Written by Quaker pastor Tom Mullen after the death of his beloved wife Nancy Mullen, A Very Good Marriage is a story of hope, of life, and of facing challenges united. Very highly recommended for anyone seeking a true story of lasting and meaningful marital love in a challenging and complex world.

I can't think of a better way to teach husbands and wives how to have a strong marriage than to show them by example. In A VERY GOOD MARRIAGE, author Tom Mullen not only pays tribute to his wife's memory, but honors their marriage with stories of everyday living. As he points out, most marriages end in divorce due to unrealistic idealized expectations of marriage. But marriages can survive by remembering that it's not what happens to us but our attitude toward it that makes a difference in our lives together. By committing to shared beliefs, values, and supporting one another we can get through life's battles together. If every married couple took the time to write down and share with one another A List Of Cherishing Behaviors, as outlined in Mr. Mullen's book, I believe we could change the world of marriage as we know it.Sharing sound advice through common sense, Mr. Mullen encourages us provide a safe and secure home for our children by having a happy marriage-- and indeed this is truly the best gift we can give our children.

In one recent year, over a million US marriages ended in divorce. Most of these divorces occured within the first 10 years of marriage. Which makes what Tom and Nancy Mullen had something rare indeed - a long term marriage. Married for 41 years, Mullen's book gives an intimate, honest and inspiring look into his marriage, his grieving process after Nancy's death and the lessons he's learned about what makes for a successful relationship.Using wit and good humor, Mullen uses stories, conversations, personal notes, and poems to illuminate the faith, gratitude, generosity, family, friendships, commitment, and humor that make for a good relationship. This helpful little book makes an excellent gift for couples getting married or for any one who wants a good marriage. I liked it so much that I bought one for each of my adult kids!