A Secret Sadness: The Hidden Relationship Patterns That Make Women Depressed

This is a remarkable book on depression, not only for women, the first target readership, but for everyone interested in the topic for professional or personal reasons. It takes a real talent to make a complex research and clinical literature understandable to the non-initiated reader. The book succeeds in all respects. It is superbly organized and easy to read. Books with a self-help vocation are often written in a simplified language that can quickly become irritating for the educated reader. Certainly not this one. It respects the reader, providing a comprehensive overview of the interpersonal relationships patterns that are at the root of depression for many women. Every major point is presented with the research that supports it, with examples that illustrate its varying manifestations in the lifes of women, and with periodic summary paragraphs that pace the reading. Each chapter concludes with "Questions to ask yourself", a daring innovation that will help readers integrate the contents of the book into their life and also evaluate their needs in terms of self-care and eventually professional care. Treatment options for depression (including indications, a rare feature) are presented at the end of the book with remarkable clarity. Health care professionals will find this book valuable as a tool to deepen their understanding of the intricate links between interpersonal relationships and depression, and as an additional resource to support their intervention with their own clients. This book provides a ray of hope to all women who battle depression.

I have experienced depression for the entire 30 years of marriage. I always blamed myself for an unsuccessful marriage and went to counselors myself and was at one point suicidal. When I read this book, it really made things clear that I was devalued as a person by my husband and mother. When you feel devalued by the ones who are your closest relationships, you become depressed. It is like a revolving door conflicts keep returning and it seems the relationship does not improve. I was screaming for love and attention for 30 years and not getting it. If you are feeling devalued by your spouse or other, you have got to read this book. I feel so good about myself now and plan to improve my environment so that I can have a great rest of my life! I deserve it.

This book presents an illuminating synopsis on how relationships can be integral to both the problem and solution of depression in women. As Whirren nicely conveys with her clear presentations of researched-based findings, many depressed women come from families who did not offer them secure attachments as a child, and as a result, these same women have difficulties in establishing secure relationships as adults. These women not only lack positive relationships that could offer them protection against depression, but the relationships they do become involved in often resemble the same insecure (and depression-inducing) ones they experienced as children. Although there is a strong correlation between experiencing insecure attachment relationships as a child and as an adult, there are indeed ways women can interrupt this relationship pattern associated with depression. This hope is conveyed in the author's concluding words of: "Remember that our lives don't change, we change our lives."

This is a terrific book for anyone who is interested in women and depression. The book is written for women who experience depression and for anyone who knows and cares about such women, however, it is also an excellent resource for therapists and counsellors. Valerie Whiffen has written an incredibly accessible summary of the vast research literature on women, close relationships, and depression as well as describing three case studies from her own practice. The result is a very readable tour of the landscape of depressed women's relationships. The book is a map of what is known about the kinds of relationships that contribute to women's depression. Whiffen also discusses the influence of hormones, genetics, stressful events, losses, and gender roles. The book closes with a discerning overview of what is known about effective treatment for depression--How effective are antidepressants? What specific forms of psychotherapy have been shown to be effective? The book is a compelling read and is jammed with sound, useful information--it provides a straightforward, well informed answer to a very complex question: "Can your relationships make you depressed?"