A Music I No Longer Heard: The Early Death of a Parent

I first encountered these two authors on a KGO radio interview. The interview focused on people who had lost a parent in childhood (before the age of 18). They were discussing how even though the grief process had taken place for most people in adulthood, the life choices that these adults had made were directly impacted by the early loss of a parent. The book is well written, done in case study and anecdotal style. It is one that remains on the shelf, a keeper. One that I open from time to time to learn from and heal.

I borrowed this book from the public library last year while a close friend of mine was dying of cancer. She left behind a 7 year old son and 4 year old daughter; the anquish in the book and in my heart was too much and I had to send it back nearly unread. I borrowed it again a few weeks later when I had to write a term paper on death and grieving. As I read the experiences of the varied ages of participants I began to see the patterns, thoughts, and stereotypes of each generation relating to death. This was of particular significance to me because my paternal grandmother died in 1967 of cancer, when my father was 18 years old, and his sisters 12 and 13. As I read what other adults my family's ages were and who lost parents in the '60s, I began to understand my father and his sisters from a different point of view. I never fully understood how devestating an impact loosing a parent so early can be to a child - for the rest of his/her life. This is a must read if you know anyone who is loosing or has lost a parent before the age of 20.

I have been looking for a book like this, literally all my life. I stumbled upon it in a very large library and immediately checked it out. I lost my father in a car accident at 10 days old. While many of the stories are from people who actually did have a chance to know their fathers, there were a few stories for me as well. It was such a revelation to realize that I'm not alone; that so many others have felt and gone through the same things that I have. I recommend this book highly to anyone who has lost a parent.

I know from personal experience that when a parent dies, people often feel like they are completely alone in this world. Reading the stories from people who had gone through similar experiences can sometimes help with the healing process. The authors of this book do a wonderful job of capturing the turmoil and emotions that accompany the death of a parent. The result made me cry, sometimes, but if also helped me along in the long process of healing. I have read some other books about the death of parents which focus more scientifically on the sociological effects of the event. For me, this book was more effective because it was more personal. If you are going through the pain of parent loss, or know someone who is going through the experience, I recommend this book. It won't solve all the problems, of course, but it may help just a little.