A Burden of Silence: My Mother's Battle with AIDS

Nancy Draper was enjoying her life as a busy wife and mother in New Hampshire when she was hit with a tremendous jolt. She was shocked to learn that her mother, a vital woman in her sixties, had been infected with the AIDS virus. She provides a compelling account of her experiences in dealing with AIDS along with those of her mother in "A Burden of Silence: My Mother's Battle with AIDS". Nancy's mother had received blood from a contaminated pool from New York City while receiving a blood transfusion. Those with knowledge of this tragedy failed to pass along word. Tragically, certain individuals in authority placed a premium on protecting themselves and not providing vital information to family members, beginning with Nancy's father. Having been dealt this terrible blow, Nancy Draper summoned all the courage and energy at her disposal to help her mother through her travail. A former teacher and current piano instructor, Nancy plainly likes people and has an essentially optimistic viewpoint which shows through in her writing. She was therefore stunned to observe that so many with whom she dealt in the health care field, rather than displaying the type of caring compassion toward Nancy's mother that her situation warranted, instead sadly operated at a cold distance. When Nancy sought answers on how to ease her mother's painful burden she sometimes received more of a shrug than helpful assistance. Incredibly, in one instance when she took her mother to a doctor's office, he remained seated and did not even get up to acknowledge their presence. Such conduct is a long step downward from the teachings of Hippocrates. This book represents a straightforward account of Nancy Draper's experiences without any punches being pulled, and as such there were negative experiences as well as, thankfully, positive ones as well. At a time when Nancy's mother needed a game plan to reduce the level of pain she was forced to endure the caring figure of Dr. Ann Webster emerged. As the director of the HIV/AIDS Program at the Mind/Body Institute in Boston, Dr. Webster made available the most updated treatment in the new and rapidly expanding holistic treatment area. "Nancy has given her mother's story a voice," Dr Webster stated regarding "Burden of Silence", adding, "There are lessons for everyone in this book - lessons about acceptance, compassion, and forgiveness." Ann Pozen, Psy.D., president of the National Association for Victims of Transfusion-Acquired AIDS, Inc., of Bethesda, Maryland, also provided a solid endorsement of "Burden of Silence": "Nancy Draper has written a tender account of a daughter's devotion to her dying mother. The story, about a grandmother who developed AIDS from a contaminated blood transfusion, will inspire admiration for Ms. Draper's courage and persistence. It will also inspire rage against the blood banks that failed to screen blood donations adequately." In addition to assisting Nancy's mother in the important hol

Even with all the publicity about AIDS today, there aren't enough books out there that describes a personal battle with this dreaded disease. This book is a wonderful attribute to the author's mother ~~ and a courageous story of her mother's battle against the stigma of having AIDS. I will even admit that when I first hear or read the word AIDS, I automatically think of the movie, "Philadelphia," and the courageous battles that those afflicted with the disease fight to get the virus studied so there will be a cure for it someday. I do recall reading about tainted blood transfusions back in the late 80s and early 90s ~~ but you don't hear stories about those victims. Nancy Draper changed that. I will not be able to think of an AIDS victim without thinking of her mother. Not only did AIDS afflicted her mother, it afflicted her whole family ~~ not with the virus but with the ignorance and the stigma associated with AIDS which people did consider it to be a gay disease. Nancy kept her parents' wishes to keep silent about the real cause of her mother's illness ~~ but it was a struggle for her. People's comments about not wanting to touch anyone if they knew that person had AIDS left a silent echo in Nancy's life as she struggles to take care of her mother and to make her last days comfortable. Her mother wanted so much to be held but she "felt dirty" and contaminated because of this awful virus. People's impersonal reaction to her situation leaves one shaking their heads ~~ and at the same time, reflective of how much more we need to educate people on this disease. Nancy wrote a beautiful tribute to her mother and her mother should be proud. Nancy says that she wants the world to know about how AIDS affect not just the individual, but the family as well and their friends. It is one of the fastest-growing diseases out there and people need to be educated on what it is. This book is a great start to educating people on what AIDS is and how it affects everyone's lives. 2-16-05

Nancy Draper's book will hopefully be a starting point for discussion about this dreaded disease. Whether it be with friend or family member, Nancy demonstrates why it is so crucial to talk about how this disease, and our society's reaction to it, isolates and stigmatizes our loved ones. Nancy also offers ways of coping by finding humor even in those darkest of days. Only somebody who has kept this secret for many years can know the what it has cost. I urge everyone to read this book and learn the valuable lessons Nancy has shared as a loving memorial to her Mom.

I read Mrs. Draper's book in one sitting. Although I knew the ending I turned each page in hopes of a kinder outcome. She gives a loving voice to her mother's story and dignifies a disease that is still misunderstood. The tears I had were from how beautifully the book was written. Nancy walked us through several private years of her life in a way only a loving family member could do. I applaud her courage in writing so openly about such a painful subject.

"A Burden of Silence" is the sort of book that could have been depressing, but I finished it feeling moved and encouraged by the Draper family's quiet heroism. They were thrown into the frightening world of HIV/AIDS when Nancy's 66 year old mother was infected by a blood donor during bypass surgery. Her story is one of anger, heartbreak, and fear that is lifted into high inspiration by the deeper and more profound emotions of faith and love. Most of all, it teaches us the necessity of reaching out to others, no matter how afraid we are. I'd recommend it to anyone, but especially to families going through similar experiences.